Et Tu Brits

Socialists On Parade

Wake Up And Smell The Marxists

London, USSR

July 28, 2012

There are many threats to America across the globe.  I’m not sure but I think there’s still an Axis of Evil out there somewhere and they probably still have WMD.  Super genius Alan West warned us about all those communists in Congress who hate America.  Michelle Bachmann and other brave Republican’ts are still beating the drum desperately trying to alert us to the Muslim Brotherhood infiltration of the federal government, starting with the radical-Muslim-Kenyan-socialist-usurper at the top just waiting to take all our guns and hand America over to his Ayatollah.  Fortunately we do have some friends out there, like Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, 20% of Afghanistan and twelve people in Iraq…oh, and let’s not forget Poland –they’re still our friend, right?

But now, one of our most special friends, Great Britain has stabbed us right in the back – on international television.  Judas, Brutus, Benedict Arnold, Prescott Bush move over.  There’s a new ex-friend in town.  The whole world must know how hard we are fighting to avoid falling victim to socialized medicine in this country.  We are practically the only civilized nation left who hasn’t destroyed their entire social structure by providing decent health care to all our citizens and we’re insanely (literally) proud of our unflagging resolve on this issue.  But somebody out there seems to forget who the boss around here is.  Those queen-loving, foreign socialists, The Brits had the nerve to celebrate their national health care service in front of the entire world during the opening ceremony of the 2012 Summer Olympics.  Like it’s something to be proud of.  What a bunch of wankers.  And I thought we had such a Special Relationship.  Not even the dreaded Chinese tried to pull a stunt like that when we let them have the Olympics.  And they own us.  From now on, nobody else gets the Olympics until they learn how to behave.

Luckily, Willard Romney went in there and showed them who’s boss.  Romney, who is in the vanguard for recognizing the immediate and dire threat to American security posed by the Soviet Union, will not roll over for anyone…with the possible exception of the NRA, the Tea Party, the Birthers, the 1%, the Swiss banks, the Cayman Islands, Donald Trump and the Chinese.  First The Mighty Mitt insulted the Prime Minister, the Mayor of London and the entire United Kingdom by doubting their level of preparedness for the 2012 Olympics, set to begin the day after Willard’s slagging of the Brits.  Then he waxed ignorant about his secret meeting with the head of Britain’s very secret intelligence agency MI6.  The first rule of MI6?  You don’t talk about MI6.  You may not know this, I certainly didn’t, but we’re not running for president of the United States…again.  MI6 is barely acknowledged by the British government (its very existence only admitted in 1994), and one just does not go around bragging about meeting with them.  That is, unless one is Willard Romney, and your country has just slapped us in our grossly uninsured face. 

Needless to say, the British Press was none too impressed with our soon-to-be-defeated presidential candidate.  One British tabloid editor tweeted: “Serious dismay in Whitehall at Romney debut. ‘Worse than Sarah Palin.’ ‘Total car crash.’ Two of the kinder verdicts.”  Others wondered if they were looking at another George W. Bush.  A Romney spokesmonkey wasted no time in defending the hair candidate, “You better believe it you limey bastards.  Americans are no dummies.  That’s why we fought so hard to throw off your socialist rule back in…back in the day a hundred or whatever years ago.  You and those French commies that forced us to have slaves.  We know that the best way to pull ourselves up by our own economic bootstraps is 1) lower taxes on the richest job creators, 2) kill Obamacare, 3) start a couple more wars with, I don’t know maybe Iran or Syria or China or, yeah I’m going there – the Soviet Union and 4) elect us a whi…a real Anglo-Saxon type American who grew up rich and knows how to hide money from the government's socialist paws.  That’s all I’m gonna say.  If you want more info just follow me on the Tweeter.”

In other news, I can’t wait until those loser climate scientists finally give up their pathetic global climate change hoax.  Maybe then the brutal drought devastating our nation and burning up huge tracts of land across the globe will pack up and leave.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and real socialism) invited.