Running (His Mouth) For President

The Political Genius That Is Willard Romney

                               or
Is That Your Real Hair, Or Do You Have A Dog Strapped To Your Head?

Under Willard’s Hair

September 19, 2012

Willard Romney’s latest daily disaster (or disaster du jour as the French-speaking ex-missionary who baptized dead Jews and others would say) comprised video of Willard calling 47% of Americans who pay no income taxes ”victims who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe they are ENTITLED, to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it,” adding, “And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” ”  For some reason it didn’t help that he specified he was not referring to real Americans, just Obama supporters.  These ne’er-do-anythings include a laundry list of handout seekers like military veterans, retirees, special needs children, the working poor, recent graduates paying off student loans and those currently serving in the war that Republican’ts won’t even mention - Afghanistan.  Oh yes, there’s one more group of people draining the very lifeblood from our treasury - those worthless, tax-skating millionaires who only pay the tiny little capital gains tax on the money they earn by doing absolutely nothing other than being rich.

The surreptitious video was shot while Willard was speaking at a $50,000-a-plate dinner, you know, just as we all do when funds get a little tight.  Who among us hasn’t tweeted out to the homies to pony up fifty large for a nice meal and a chance to hear us talk trash about those who can’t afford $50K for a crappy night out.

Wife Ann “You-People-Have-Gotten-All-The-Tax-Returns-You’re-Going-To-Get” Romney said her exquisitely-coiffed hubby was taken out of context.  “This is a political campaign.  Mitt was telling a select crowd of very rich people, people we understand and adore, how he really feels.  Such statements cannot be taken as intentional by you people.  Everybody knows you don’t speak the truth in public during a campaign for president.  You say what people want to hear when you think they can hear you.  Mitt, though he was really speaking from his heart, never wanted outsiders - you know, the non-rich - to hear these things.  Those people who want everything handed to them, except the truth, simply don’t understand how the better half lives and they don’t want to.  They just want the kind of handouts that Mitt’s father had when he came to this country after his parents hid out in Mexico because of the whole one-man-one-woman nonsense.  ‘Give me five wives or give me death…or I’ll just move to Mexico,’ said Grandpa Romney.  His son George Romney was on welfare for years after immigrating to America.  And these people today want Social Security like Paul Ryan used to put himself through college while he marinated his brain in the magical atheism of Ayn Rand, who also hated Social Security and Medicare but dishonestly availed herself of both when it suited her needs.  Again, all of this is just totally out of context.”

Once Willard was finished laying out his domestic policy philosophy he moved on to his other specialty - foreign policy - and then he gave Iran some great advice, “If I were Iran - I mean - and - and a crazed fanatic, I’d say, ‘Let’s get a little fissile material to Hezbollah and have them carry it to Chicago or some other place, and then if anything goes wrong or America starts acting up, we’ll just say, ‘And guess what? Unless you stand down, why, we’re gonna let off a dirty bomb.’”  This is great stuff.  He’s running for president for Pete’s sake.

I don’t know about you but I think it’s damn well about time our presidential candidates started giving our enemies advice on how to attack us instead of bumbling along, getting appointed president and then just sitting around waiting for planes to crash into buildings.  Of course the good news is, at least he’s incoherent on foreign policy.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and more Romney wisdom) invited.