(You Call This) Living Will

A Cry Laugh For (NO) Help

My house above-ground bunker

November 5, 2012 

I. Mangrey, being of sound mind (strictly for legal purposes) and body hereby set forth my most recent will and testament on this Election Eve, November 5, 2012.  We are at a crossroads here in America – two halves of this country desperately trying to take their country back from the other half.  One half proudly ignorant of science, what rape is, who built what, if black people are really Americans, the environment, facts, compromise, consensus and the other half - the Self-Proclaimed Patriots.  The other half continually obsessed with intellectual growth, racial, gender and sexual equality, infrastructure, universal health care, a level economic playing field, forming a more perfect Union, promoting the general welfare, even providing for the common defence, as well as legitimate political discourse, and keeping the Earth from becoming just another lifeless orb among many in a vast universe - you know, The Crazy America-Haters.

There is a good chance that the Self-Proclaimed Patriots will carry the day tomorrow, though Nate Silver, pollster-extraordinaire-du-jour,  puts that chance at only 15% 13% 8%.  However, I learned from George W. Bush to never misunderestimate the American public.  The Self-Proclaimed Patriots' standard bearer, one W. Mitt Romney has almost all the money and none of the brains or compassion in the world behind his (hopefully final) candidacy.  Romney is promising change.  And if he wins, change it will be.  Change you can easily recognize in fact, because he will change things back to the Bush/Cheney era...at best.  More war, dying economy for the 99%, more stupid.  Eight years that came damn close to killing America.  Once that change is in place, unless you are already a multi-millionaire, you will be in deep doo-doo.  Oh, and the secretive mandatory Mormon baptisms...dead or alive.



Drool baby drool!

Wave good-bye Roe v. Wade, the few Wall Street regulations we now have, public schools, health care, Medicare, Social Security, climate science, roads, bridges, New York, the Jersey Shore and American jobs.  And who knows what other great plans W. Mitt has in store?  We just won't know unless he wins because he won't tell us unless he's elected, after the Tea Party tells him what he really thinks.  All we can go by for now is what we heard him say during the primary debates and on the video he didn't know was being made while he was speaking freely in private: Screw 47% of Americans, ignore the Middle East, and hide from Whoopi Goldberg.  Romney will outsource FEMA…to China.  I expect the response time might be a little longer than we just saw with Superstorm Sandy, but hey, the Chinese built our railroads.  Right?

I'm not sure my heart or my precious bodily fluids can take it if W. Mitt Romney becomes our next president.  If it appears I have fallen and I can't get up on election night please do not try to resuscitate me.  I promise not to do anything foolish, but if this is Romney's night and I am fortunate enough to miss all the fun he has in store, do not attempt to ruin this for me.  Nobody knows for sure how this election will turn out until all the votes are "counted" or however the winner is decided this time.  Don't forget, Bain has been busy with other things besides selling us up the Yangtze.  They have been buying up voting machines, which tend to come in very handy during elections, for those the Republican'ts are allowing to vote. But please, if the Mor(m)on from Michigan (where he's losing big, as he is in the other state that knows him well, Massachusetts) should end up setting foot inside the Oval Office, please, do not go to any lengths to keep me able to watch him in action.  If I am in a deep coma then maybe I will be able to tolerate it, but the moment he repeals Obamacare pull the plug.

Meanwhile, back to the other major disaster - Sandy.  Two things you should know.  Number one, W. Mitt Romney, who got very low marks for disaster response as governor of Massachusetts, compared cleaning up after one of the largest hurricanes on record to cleaning up a high school football field; and I quote, "I remember once we had uh, a football game at my high school and the football field afterwards was covered with all sorts of uh, rubbish and uh, paper goods from people who had a big uh, celebration there at the game and there was a group of us there that was assigned to clean it up. And I thought, how are we gonna clean up all this mess on this football field, there were just a few of us. And the person responsible for organizing the effort said, just line up along the yard lines...and if everybody cleans their lane why we'll be able to get the job done. And so today we're cleaning one lane if you will."  This was at the gathering where his campaign purchased $5000 worth of canned goods for hurricane victims, which his people gave to attendees so they could give them back to Willard in front of the cameras in a desperate attempt to make him look useful and relevant.   Willard sure has nice hair.

Number  two, Michael "heckuvajob-Brownie" Brown, disastrous head of FEMA during Katrina, said that President Obama was too quick to respond to Sandy's devastation.  “The storm was still forming," offered Brown, "people were debating whether it was going to be as bad as expected, or not...the president should have let the governors and mayors deal with the storm until it got closer to hitting the coastal areas along the Washington, D.C.-New York City corridor.”  Yeah, heckuvan idea there Brownie.  Obama should have followed your lead, then maybe he too could resign in disgrace, a loser for all time.  George W. Bush, who appointed Brownie could not be reached for comment as he was in the Cayman Islands lecturing on investments.  I'm glad I can't afford to attend that lecture.

In closing, if this is to be our last time together, it has been a privilege serving as your faithful scribe.  Hopefully...We'll meet again. Don't know where. Don't know when.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Thanks for listening. Responsible comment (and the ascendance of the 99% and the 47%) invited.