A Flock of Egos

And Iran, Iran So Far Away

April 24, 2015

Inadvertent and totally un-self-aware gay marriage aficionado and former Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is thrilled and mortified. Now that she is unemployed she can spend even more time off the deep end. To be fair, Bachmann is only one of many who are accusing Barack Obama of siding with Iran instead of America. She recently told a rapt, and itching to be Raptured, radio audience that Barack Obama is not only providing Iran with nuclear weapons, but is bringing the world to end times. Who could ask for moron?

Salvador Dali’s famous “Mouth Agape with Teabag”

Jan Markell's "Understanding the Times" radio show recently hosted Bachmann who said, "We need to cry out to a Holy God. This is coming faster than anyone can see. Barack Obama is intent, it is his number one goal, to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon. Why? Why would you put the nuclear weapon in the hands of madmen who are Islamic radicals?" Horrifying, right?

Wrong. This is awesome news. "We get to be living in the most exciting time in history," she said. Bachmann insisted her fellow Christians "rejoice" because "Jesus Christ is coming back. We, in our lifetimes potentially, could see Jesus Christ returning to Earth, the Rapture of the Church. These are wonderful times." Bachmann made similar remarks on Markell's show the previous week. She is clearly very happy/upset about this. “We have very little time, in my opinion, left before the second return of Christ. That’s good news." About which she is very, very mad...and not just angry.

The world would be much better off if someone like Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin or Ted Cruz or Ben Carson or Rand Paul should control the Big One. Right?

St. Ronnie of The Double Cross

Republican’t fairy tale hero Ronald Reagan famously supplied Iran with arms. Reagan administration senior officials ran a super-secret (for a while anyway) doubly-illegal covert operation during Ronnie’s second term. The operation included selling weapons to Iran during an arms embargo in order to obtain the release of several US hostages and use the money to fund the Nicaraguan Contras. Kind of a Rube Goldberg effort at international intrigue. Unfortunately this funding of the Contras by the government had been prohibited by Congress. 

Luckily for Ronnie his people managed to bestow implausible deniability on the by then Alzheimer’s-ridden president. And this is why the Reagan administration boasts the greatest number of convicted felons in American history. Those indicted or convicted (who didn't get off on technicalities or for no good reason) were all ultimately pardoned by George H. W. Bush during the final days of his presidency. Bush of course was Reagan's VP while all this was going on. Just prior to that, Bush was Gerald Ford's head of the CIA. Now that's real American justice.

An Incredible Dick

Not to beat a dead ass who recently graced this space on this very topic (in case you missed it), but let us not forget one Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney, one-time CEO of Halliburton. Mr. Cheney “left” Halliburton to select and then become George W. Bush’s running mate in the lead up to the 2000 Supreme Court appointment of the 43rd president. Cheney & Co. pushed to end sanctions against Iran – the number one state sponsor of terror in the eyes of the United States. In fact, Halliburton opened an office in Tehran in 2000 in order to supply Iran with arms.

Then Cheney started operation Halliburton Freedom in Iraq in 2003, the primary outcome of which (other than a windfall profit for the company still paying Cheney loads of money) was a significant strengthening of Iran’s position in the region. Most thinking people predicted that ousting Saddam Hussein, as evil as he was, would open the door for Iran-backed Shias to take control of Iran’s next door neighbor. Those people were exactly right. Cheney was exactly wrong, assuming he ever cared. I blame Obama.

While we’re on the subject of international men of mystery…

Does anyone else see a pattern here?

I. Mangrey reporting. We cannot have a doomsday gap.
We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when.

All that being said, Paying Attention brings you a Golden Oldie from our very own Ed Venture. Who can forget Iran's previous president Mahmoud Ahmadinejihad? You? My apologies for reminding you, but maybe this will make up for it...

Sam Iran (Ode to Ahmadinejad)

October 23, 2005

The leader of Iran has said

“I want ALL Israeli people dead.”

That’s quite a plan, perhaps instead

A bullet through his little head

That Sam Iran

That Sam Iran

I do not like that Sam Iran

Do you like my new Iran?

I do not like your new Iran.

I do not like your stupid plan

I really hate you Sam Iran

Would you like me here or there?

I would not like you here or there.

I would not like you anywhere.

I do not like your stupid plan.

I do not like you Sam Iran.

I’d like to see you in a house

With your testicles in a mouse.

Or see your head inside a box,

Or perhaps just eaten by a fox.

I'd like to see you squished and squeezed

Or maybe horribly diseased

Yes, in a house, your balls in a mouse

Or head in a box or eaten by a fox

Or squished and squeezed or horribly diseased

I do not like you Sam Iran

I do not like your stupid plan

I hope your God will strike you down

You oafish genocidal clown

Perhaps your words will make you choke

You throwback loser brainless joke

The world will not buy your shit

Not even just one tiny bit

You will not get your stupid way

No matter what dumb things you say

Shut up and never speak again

You're wasting precious oxygen

We do not like you Sam Iran

We do not like your stupid plan

Ed Venture

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