September 22, 2015
How can God be so fickle? Poor Scott Walker. While
announcing his candidacy Walker told us that “running was God’s calling…I am
certain: This is God’s plan for me…” Well, God and the Koch brothers – who
actually have more money than God. A few short months (though it seems like
years) later, it appears that God has told Walker to stop running. During his
farewell mumblings Walker told the audience (I assume there was an audience),
“The Bible is full of stories about people who were called to be leaders in
unusual ways. Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to
clear the field...” World’s Greatest Quitter, Sarah Palin must be very proud.
Dead-eye, Deader-between-the-ears, Scott Walker
The Chrump said now that Walker has left the race he feels
sorry for him. In a grand gesture, Chrump has offered to purchase all twelve of
Walkers supporters. “It’s not like I’m buying votes,” said the reality-TV
star/faux presidential candidate, “I’m offering to buy people. That’s not the
same thing. Yeah, I know, some people would say that sounds even worse, but I’m
not one of those people and none of Scott’s followers is black. And I’m not a
Muslim, like some people say certain people living in the White House are. I’m
just your average Joe-$10 billion pack. Yes, I know some people say I don’t
have $10 billion, but those people are lost in the facts and figures. My hair
tells me that I have $10 billion, so that’s what you need to believe. Nobody
does money better than I do. I now have all of Scott Walker’s people and both
of Rick Perry’s. I can’t be stopped. I will do great things, even better than
tearing up critical, pristine Scottish coastline to build a golf course and bullying old people and another place to put my name in giant letters. I’m doing great in the polls. The Blacks and
Latinos love me. The ladies love me. The Jews love me. I love my daughter, and
not just like a dad. The Obama’s love me; I don’t care where he was born, he’s
a nice guy for a Muslim – as some say he is. Jeb Bush is uglier than Carly
Fiorina – who I said was beautiful so I wouldn’t look like such a jerk after I
called her ugly – and he can kiss my ass.”
I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
In Other News…
of the morbidly stupid, J.E.B. (The Smart Bush) who is
married to a Mexican, when asked if he was in favor of refugees and immigrants
integrating into U.S. society and if he would help "empower them to become
Americans," responded, "We should not have a multicultural society."
As usual, Bush claims he was misunderstood and was not using ‘multiculturalism’
the way everyone else uses the word. I guess he’s just too smart for the rest
of us.
And Finally…
In honor of the start of Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the
Jewish calendar, Sen. Marco Rubio held a fundraiser at the Dallas-area mansion
of real estate magnate Harlan Crow. I don’t believe Mr. Crow, whose eclectic
art collection includes two of Hitler’s paintings, a signed copy of Mein Kampf (Come
on, who doesn’t have one of those?) and
some place settings Hitler once used, is Jewish. Some people, even some in
Rubio’s home state of Florida, found this upsetting. I’m not sure why.
I. Mangrey reporting. Chrump that.
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