A Chrump Too Far

Editor’s Note: Before subjecting you to yet another dose of – and this might not be hyperbole – one of the most dangerous men on the planet, I want to apologize for the amount of Chrump coverage here at Paying Attention. I would not blame you if you preemptively crumpled up your computer and tossed it in the trash rather than read one more word about the Orange Don. Nonetheless, since he will not stop, we cannot stop. They say letting it out is healthy. They damned well better be right. 

Here’s hoping you’re coping, and that a few (hundred) laughs at Chrump’s expense make the primary season just a little less nauseating and terrifying.

Ed Venture
Editor in Chief, Paying Attention 

Winning – It’s Not Just For Losers Anymore  

Where the Chrump Things Are
March 16, 2016

The pathological liar with the phony hair, phony fortune, make-believe presidential campaign and alleged penis is at it again. This shameless poser is now trying to sell us on the idea that people are protesting his campaign not because he called Mexicans criminals and rapists, or his suggestion that all Muslims be banned from this country, his blatant disregard for black people, his cozy relationship with the KKK and just about every white supremacist group there is, his insane birtherism, climate science denial, his contempt for the press and the First Amendment, his fondness for torture and the use of nuclear weapons or his raving misogyny, not because he repeatedly incites his supporters to violence against anyone who disagrees with him, but because Bernie Sanders is encouraging his followers to disrupt Chrump events. This from Chrump, who himself is nothing but a disruption. In response to his paranoid delusions Chrump threatened to send his minions to Bernie’s rallies.

Actual Tweet

It is not just Bernie’s people who are, shall we say put off by the freak show that is Donald Chrump. Several of Wall Street’s heavy hitters want to dump Chrump, saying he would be dangerous to the stock market and the economy. The inspiration for Gordon “Greed is good” Gekko in Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street” was asked who he thought would be the best president for the economy, without hesitating he said “Bernie Sanders. No question.” So for these guys, greed is good, but Chrump is unthinkable.

The Nazis love me. They really do. They love me. Go f%*k yourself.

The Land That Chrump Forgot…Well Lied About Actually

Chrump, whose rallies have become more and more ignorant, heated and sometimes violent, insists that the fact that he said of a protestor, “I’d like to punch him in the face, I tell ya,” had no impact on the behavior of those clamoring to bask in his orangey glow. And the time he said, “If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato knock the crap out of them would you,” couldn’t possibly have incited anyone to take him up on his offer. Chrump has said that the violence and excitement add to his allure. “Can I be honest with you? [apparently not] It adds to the flavor. Isn’t this better than listening to a long boring speech? Part of the problem is nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.” Whaaaaaaaat?? What the hell is this? WrestleMania? Chrump is convinced that all this mayhem draws more people to his cause. And what astounding people they are.

Sneak preview of Chrump’s planned inaugural tux.

Chrump constantly bemoans the political incorrectness of using harsher protestor management techniques. How long until he bellows about waterboarding them. He told Fux News “Maybe he should have been roughed up, because it was absolutely disgusting what he was doing.” Apparently Mr. Chrump has as much familiarity with American history as George W. Bush. Maybe someone should tell him that there have been a few examples of protesting at various points in our nation’s history – you remember…back when America was great before. Chrump recently said (after at least half a dozen violent incidents have occurred right under his nose), “There’s no violence at my rallies.” I’m giving it about three weeks until someone gets shot at one of Chrump’s melees…or “love fests” as he calls them.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation are men who want crops without plowing the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the roar of its mighty waters.”
                    Frederick Douglass August 4, 1857

In the Sixties the protests were over Civil Rights and the disgraceful war in Vietnam. Today the focus of non-right wing angst and protest is the neo-fascist Donald Chrump. Mussolini meets Forest Gump. Ho Li Shit.

Stupid Is As Stupid Chrump Does

“What do I know about it? All I know is what's on the Internet," Trump said when confronted with one of his countless lies. Has Forest Chrump ever even seen the internet? 75% of the Earth’s surface is water. 75% of the internet is porn and cat videos. And nothing strikes me as more pornographic than Donald Chrump. Sure he tweets without a second, or often first thought but, “All I know is what’s on the Internet?” WTF. The context is unimportant; any schmuck on the street can be excused for saying that all they know is what they see on the internet. Not a presidential candidate. Is this too much to ask? And he actually thinks the people at his rallies want to buy a “Trump” steak for $50? You just know he will pick the best people to surround him. When asked who he consults on foreign policy, Chrump said, “I’m speaking with myself, number one. Because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things. I speak to a lot of people but my primary consultant is myself and you know I have a good instinct for this stuff.” Really good.

Forests Gump and Chrump: like Gump with 110% more hate

Chrump insists he is a "truthful" man, "maybe truthful to a fault" he says. That is one thing he most certainly is not. It is much more accurate to say he is faulty with the truth. The people at Politico risked their very lives to scrutinize Chrump’s speeches in order to quantify his level of fabrication. Politico pored over 4.6 hours of Chrump’s ramblings and found that he lies on average once every five minutes. He rarely gets challenged directly for all his lies. Two dozen fact checkers have been hospitalized in the past four months from going through his transcripts to document the truthiness of his talking.*

I have a yuuuuuuge penis.

*Full disclosure: this last bit may or may not be true, but in this context does that really matter?

I. Mangey@DonaldChrump.WTF
I think I’m getting an ulcer.**

**not really
                                                                                                     Mad in USA

UPDATE

SPECIAL BONUS CHRUMP

This lovely gift was sent by a good friend: