Chrexit

Chrexit

The Planet Formerly Known as Earth
July 22, 2016

“I’ve got the whole world in my normal-sized hands. Literally. Believe me.”

I am not going to wait until the last minute. There’s a saying in Pennsylvania…I know it’s in Texas, I think it’s in Pennsylvania. Fool me once…shame on…shame on me. Fool me…can’t get fooled again. I believed Ralph Nader when he said there was no difference between George W. Bush and Al Gore in 2000. So I stayed home that November day only to awaken some four weeks later to find that the Supreme Court had brushed aside the will of the unwashed electorate. Scalia and company could not sit idly by and let all those inconvenient votes be counted. Scalia had a MISSION to ACCOMPLISH. The Court went ahead and appointed the man who would become: The. Worst. President*. Ever…so far. We can do much better worse.

Those days are gone (though not calamitous hangover) and America sits on the precipice of actually electing a man who is perhaps even more of a clueless huckster than the one the Supremes installed. In the same way that much of the United Kingdom (well, not that much really, but just enough) voted to leave the European Union, so might many Americans vote to leave Chrumpworld should the tiny-appendaged hair weave substrate prevail this November and take possession of the White House, the United States military, including nuclear weapons (which he appears happy to put to good use), the Supreme Court, our nation’s economy and reputation. While is seems he will hand over all of the work to his Veep, there is no doubt that he will have final say and nothing he disagrees with will go anywhere, no matter what actual-president (and homophobic, misogynist religious fanatic) Mike Pence has decided. That’s right folks. Start making your Chrexit plans now before we are all forced into mandatory spray-tan/comb-around detention camps.

“I can’t believe all you idiots are actually going to vote for me.
Is this a great country or what?”

Chrump is so stunningly horrific he makes Hillary Clinton look like Bernie Sanders. Hillary Clinton, whatever else she may be, and she may be many things you would rather she not be, she is qualified. She is a very capable individual in many ways. And one of the things she is capable of is losing the 2016 election to a burnt umbrage/orange-Crayola-colored excuse-for-a-man who calls himself Donald Chrump (though his real family name is Drumpf). Literally. He often refers to himself as though he was talking about someone else. Who could blame him?

Chrexit while you can!

*Every other president was elected in one way or another. By hook or by crook. In this case the Supreme Court broke precedent, the law and wind with a ruling the Court then specifically declared was not to be used as precedent. I wonder why. Just kidding.

Just in case you needed another reason to think less than well of Mr. Chrump, here he is preparing to…um…introduce his daughter at the RNC…

Chrump in mid-GrOPe of daughter Ivanka. Please don’t try this at home.
I wonder if this makes Melania jealous.

We cannot have a spray-tan gap. 

I. Mangrey and R. Megedden reporting.