Chrump World
July 18, 2016
July 18, 2016
Okay so I was wrong. Sort of.
I was sure Chrump was going to be his own running mate. After all, he consults himself on all the pressing issues
confronting a presidential candidate, like when to tweet insults, how insulting
to be, which racist garbage to re-tweet, which childish nicknames to hurl and
when to act presidential for 30 seconds. As he told us, “I have a very good
brain. I’ve said lots of things.” I’m sure he really wanted to run unfettered
and unopposed. But he now has a partner in slime. It is Mike Pence, who was
poised to lose a re-election bid for governor of Indiana. The Republican’t
machine in Indiana was desperately trying to figure out what to do with Pence
who they were certain was going to lose if he ran. So at least someone stands
to benefit from Pence becoming the next Sarah Palin.
You will not believe this but
Donny Chrump was lying when he said he was postponing his VP announcement
because of the tragedy in Nice. We know he was lying for two reasons: 1) He
went ahead and made the announcement at the exact time he originally said he
was going to, and 2) His face-sphincter was moving. The real reason he wanted
to hold off on making the announcement was:
Mr. Chrump has chosen the
running mate his children told him to choose. Sure the guy disagrees with
Chrump on many issues, but at least he hates the gays (he thinks they all need
conversion therapy to become un-gayed) and that is an important ingredient for
keeping the Christian base, who should be appalled by Chrump’s many marriages,
his long and storied lack of contact with the Church, his foul mouth and his
proud abuse of those less fortunate.
During the first Chrumppence interview with 60 Minutes,
Chrump – who found it very difficult to let his better half (now there’s a low bar) speak without
interrupting – interrupted Leslie Stahl’s final question. The question began,
“You’re not known to be a humble man, but I wonder…” Mr. Humility barged right in with, “I think I am actually humble. I think I’m much more
humble than you would understand.” That’s right folks; mere mortals simply
cannot fathom the staggeringly awesome humility of Donald J. Chrump. He not
only has the best words, but he has the best thoughts and is simply the King of
Humility. That I can tell you. Deal with it losers.
Speaking of
Losers
Chrump had what he calls a co-author (what anyone possessing even
a peripheral notion of the truth would call a ghost-writer) for his famous The
Art of the Deal. Second only to the Bible on Chrump’s
greatest-books-of-all-time list, it is in any event one of the things
that put Chrump on the celebrity map.
Tony Schwartz – the man who says he actually wrote the book –
is now finding it difficult to live with himself for making Chrump appear
admirable. He told Mayer, “I put lipstick on a pig. I feel a deep sense of
remorse that I contributed to presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider
attention and made him more appealing than he is," adding, “I genuinely
believe that if Trump wins and gets the nuclear codes there is an excellent possibility
it will lead to the end of civilization.” Schwartz said if he was writing the
book today it would have a different flavor and a slightly different title:
“The Sociopath.” This from a man who spent 18
months with Trump – according to Mayer, “camping out in his office, joining him
on his helicopter, tagging along at meetings, and spending weekends with him at
his Manhattan apartment and his Florida estate.” Livin’ la vida loco. Granted,
this could have caused Schwartz permanent psychological and emotional damage,
but I still find his perspective credible.
Separately, Schwartz told Good Morning America on
Monday, “You know, it’s a terrifying thing. I haven’t slept a night through
since Donald Trump announced for president because I believe he is so insecure,
so easily provoked and not – not particularly – nearly as smart as people might
imagine he is.” Wow, if Chrump is not as smart as I imagine he is…imagine that.
I. Mangrey reporting.
UPDATE: July 19, 2016, 1:00 PM
Donald Chrump has the best words (He clearly
does not, but that’s what he told us.); maybe that's why Melania “borrowed” hers from
Michelle Obama.
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