“There are two man-made things that are visible from 50 miles up.
One of course is the Great Wall of China and the other...Donald Trump’s hair.”
– Joke performed by David Letterman in 2005, written by Johnny Carson
Feel Independent While You Can
July 4, 2016
First he went after the Mexicans and many spoke out even though they
were not Mexican. Then he went after women and many spoke out even though they
were not women. Then he went after the handicapped and many spoke out even
though they were not handicapped. Then he went after the Muslims and many spoke
out even though they were not Muslim. Now he’s going after the Jews…what the
hell took him so long?
Recently seen and more recently deleted tweet from Herr Chrumpler
Donald Chrump continues his Give
America the Finger tour. Although he remains very busy retweeting white
supremacist garbage, he is also in the process of finding a running mate. Thus
far he had his hair set on being his own running mate to cut down on expenses
and wasteful conversations with people who are not him. Word on the street is
that he is looking at Chris Christie, Mike Pence and the ever pompous, thrice
married (cheating on one wife while claiming Bill Clinton had no moral
character during the Lewinsky affair), left-in-disgrace-because-of-ethics-violations
ex-Speaker of the House Newton Leroy Gingrich.
Disgraced ex-House Speaker, failed presidential candidate and
failed repeat adulterer Newt Gingrich out for a stroll
Clearly the asshole doesn’t fall
far from the tree. I guarantee.
Mr. Chrump’s Neighborhood
July 3, 2016
Will Kaufman recently discovered never before published
lyrics by Guthrie including some referring to Fred Chrump, Donald’s daddy. In
December 1950, Woody Guthrie signed a lease at the Beach Haven apartment
complex, landlorded over by the elder Chrump. According to Kaufman Woody was
soon “lamenting the bigotry that pervaded his new, lily-white neighborhood,”
the way Woody did:
I suppose
Old Man Trump knows
Just how much
Racial Hate he stirred up
In the bloodpot of human hearts
When he drawed
That color line
Here at his
Eighteen hundred family project
Old Man Trump knows
Just how much
Racial Hate he stirred up
In the bloodpot of human hearts
When he drawed
That color line
Here at his
Eighteen hundred family project
(According to the Village Voice, Fred Trump's
organization was sued by the the U.S. Justice Department's Civil Rights
Division in 1973.)
Talk
Is Cheap
Chrump’s spokes-idiots are unable to speak for him or about any of
his policies. I imagine trying to describe what Chrump is thinking or planning
at any given moment is like trying to hold the wind, or more accurately freshly
broken wind. Any time one of his greasy grifters is asked if their boss
believes such-and-such or thinks this-or-that the response is, “I can’t speak
for Mr. Chrump. You’ll have to ask him that yourself.”
“Donald J. Chrump is calling for a complete shutdown on Muslims
entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out
what the hell is going on.” This we are told means that Chrump is not calling
for a complete shutdown on Muslims entering the country, the problem is the
media and the public misinterpreting his words.
We just learned that Chrump is a recently born again Christian.
Claims are being made that he did “accept a relationship with Christ.” Jesus
could not be reached for comment as to whether or not he would accept a
relationship with The Don. Given that Jesus was a known socialist, what with
his palling around with prostitutes, lepers, the meek and the poor, chasing the
money lenders from the temple and all that – not to mention all those nice
Jewish boys with whom he was so “close”, there is a certain degree of surprise
that Chrump would want to be in a committed relationship with a guy like that,
but hey it is an election year. So in some way it makes perfect sense; he told
us in February – “Nobody reads the Bible more than me.” I’m sure he will make
an excellent Christian as soon as he stops fantasizing about having incest with
his daughter and stops divorcing everyone he marries. After all, he is a man of
his word…well, maybe not his word,
but he is a man of somebody’s word. If Chrump is a good Christian, then I am
the walrus. Goo goo gajoob. And nobody reads Atlas Shrugged more than me.
I. Mangrey reporting.
Who is Who? More Importantly, Why?
At The Circus
July 2, 2016
July 2, 2016
Hillary Clinton changed
a number of positions faster than you can say Mitt Romney. She parroted
everything Bernie Sanders said on the campaign trail as though she believed
just about everything he did. She assumed positions she had never taken before
on a host of issues. Hillary must have been doing a lot of political yoga
before she started campaigning. She knew she was in a fight she never expected
to be in and she knew that Bernie was killin’ it. So she tried to out-Bernie
Bernie. Time will tell if she is Bernie enough to win the White House in
November.
Now the shoe is on the
other fool. But there is a twist. Chrump, rather than parroting Hillary’s
position on the issues, has turned the whole thing upside down. In his fevered
conspiracy-theory driven delirium, Chrump is accusing Hillary of essentially
being him. The “most corrupt person ever to run for president”. Check. A “world
class liar”. Check. Failed at everything she has done. Check. He said ISIS
dreams of Hillary becoming president. Check. And just to put the assing on the
cake he called Elizabeth Warren a fraud and a racist (immediately after once again tarring her
with the racist epithet "Pocahontas"). He just can’t help himself…or us.
Confronted with the fact that Hillary called him the king of
debt Chrump quickly shot back, “No, I called myself the King of Debt. I’m the
King of Debt. I’m great with debt. Nobody knows debt better than me. I made a
fortune using debt.”* He may or may not have added, “Hillary is the king of
losing. Nobody loses more than her. She is the king. I promise you. Nobody goes
bankrupt more than Corrupt Hillary. Nobody rips off more contractors, customers
or investors. She’s just the worst. I can tell you. Believe me. And her hands
are so small. She has very small hands. She is the worst of the worst. I am the
best you will ever see. Vote Chrump or we all die. It’s not me saying that.
Many people are telling me this. Many people. I would never say that.”
He did say of Hillary Clinton (in between spewing
long-ago-debunked conspiracy theories): “I will never say this…but she screams
it drives me crazy. I didn’t say it. I can’t listen.”* Really? He can’t listen
because of her screaming? If only
there was some kind of technology, some way for Donald to hear his own voice,
like some kind of mirror for sounds. He clearly has not figured out how to use
the mirror that works for seeing; what else could explain his hair? If Chrump
could somehow listen to his own voice he might come to realize that his voice
makes Hillary sound like Ella Fitzgerald.
*
Real-actual-not-made-up quotes
I Will Never Say This…
It would be exceedingly rude
to call Chrump a lying sack of shit. That is why I will do no such thing.
Frankly I am apalled that so many thousands of people all over the world are
calling him a lying sack of shit. Perhaps they have exhaustive and incontrovertible
proof of him lying over and over and over about just about every subject under
the sun. I still don’t think that makes it right to call Donald J. Chrump a
lying sack of shit. How anyone would be so cruel, however honest, about a “tiny fingered, Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon” is beyond me.
I. Mangrey reporting. Paying attention so you don’t have to.
Campaign Cock Tool
July 1, 2016
He Has the Best
Endorsers
People Chrump says are 100% with him include a number of
notables, many of whom are apparently unaware that they support him any%. Of
course we already know (because he keeps telling us so that we will think it’s
really true) that the blacks love him. And nobody is better with women than
Chrump (he told us that too, though most women seem completely unaware of how much
they love him). Also the Muslims and Hispanics are going to vote for him in
yuuuuuuuge numbers (at the self-loathers will). But what about specific people?
Some names that stand out are boxing promoter Don King who seems to have said
he supports Chrump and then not, Steelers quarterback and occasional rape
suspect Ben Roethlisbeger – also unaware that he supports Chrump 100. Add to
these the burgeoning laundry list of Republican’t governors, senators and
congress-people hoping to keep their jobs and now treating Chrump as a
political leper. Many people are saying that Chrump will announce other
high-profile 100% endorsements next week including Bruce Springsteen, Tommy
Smothers, Benjamin Franklin, Noam Chomsky, Antonin Scalia, Vladimir Putin, Kim
Jong Un, Barack Obama and Bernie Sanders. They all love him. Don’t you? And Chrump just tweeted that Helen
Keller told him personally that she supports him. What? Too soon?
Chrump’s campaign manager and defender of despots the world
over Paul Manafort told Chuck Todd on Meet the Press, “The good thing is, we have a
candidate who doesn’t need to figure out what’s going on in order to say what
he wants to do.” The first true words to come out of the Chrump campaign –
true…but stupid. This candidate had no idea what Brexit was until a day or two
before the referendum even though he was planning to be in Scotland (to hawk
the grand re-opening of his golf
course, because that’s what presidents do) the morning after the vote. Oh, and
even though he claims to be running for president. Once he heard about it he
thought it was a great idea, and after the pound took an historic nosedive
said, “I don’t think it will affect me personally that much.” Whew. While in
Scotland Sir Donald of Orange crowed about what a great thing Brexit was.
Scotland voted to remain in the EU 63% to 37%. You Brexit, you bought it.
Scotland responds to Chrump’s take on Brexit
International
Man of Misery
Some of Chrump’s most ardent supporters seem to be supporters of
ISIS. According to a counterterrorism analyst, “It’s clear they find his
comments, they find his demeanor, they find his approach, in some way serving
the goals of ISIS…” His hatred and bigotry fuel theirs quite nicely. Heck of a
job Chrumpy. Not to be swayed by, or in any way familiar with the facts Chrump
said of ISIS, "They want her to get in so badly. They have dreams at
night, and their dreams are that Hillary Clinton becomes president of our
country." I got nothin’.
I. Mangrey reporting. Wherefore art thou?
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