Chrump v. United Nations

World War Chrump

United Nations Headquarters, NYC
September 19, 2017

I understand that Robert Mueller wants to do a thorough job investigating Russia’s hacking of our election. Many people want to know exactly how much the Chrump campaign worked with a foreign adversary to steal the presidency. After all, it seems likely Russia was instrumental (along with James Comey, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and Hillary Clinton herself) in putting Don Chrump in the White House. It has been reported that Mueller is “going for the kill” as he investigates Chrump, Kushner, Flynn, Son of Flynn, Chrump, Jr., Manafort, Pence, Preibus, and who-knows-who-else. I wish he would hurry up already. America, and I daresay the world, cannot take much more of the Orange Gas Cloud.

Unfortunately for the United Nations, this week saw Hair Chrump’s first in-person assault on the international body. Now, the U.N. is far from perfect, but even the U.N. does not deserve to be in the presence of Chrump. Chrump’s first words to the U.N. General Assembly were simply and unsurprisingly shameless, pathetic self-promotion, “I actually saw great potential right across the street, to be honest with you, and it was only for the reason that the United Nations was here that that turned out to be such a successful project.” One reason it is so successful, is all the Russians who own condos in that building right across the street from the U.N. Once Chrump finished promoting his successful hotel, it was off to the races.

 
UN expected to undergo Fukushima-like clean-up
after contamination by Orange Gas Cloud

On day two of Chrump’s contamination of the U.N., he decided that acting like an idiot on Twitter was not good enough, repeating his sorry insult of his North Korean counterpart, calling Kim Jong Un “rocket man”. Then, following in the footsteps of luminaries like Nikita Khrushchev, Fidel Castro, Muammar Gaddafi, Yasser Arafat and Hugo Chavez, the Orange Gas Cloud regaled the U.N. with the sequel to his American Carnage inauguration speech. Fortunately, the American “president” did not bang his shoe on the podium.

Chrump threatened North Korea, calling the country “depraved,” adding that if the United States was forced to defend itself and its allies, “we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime”. Did I mention that just days earlier China has suggested that Chrump should STFU about North Korea? For some reason China finds Der Furor’s verbal assaults on their nervous neighbor to be less than helpful in defusing an already decades-long tense situation.

Chrump then went after Venezuela. It was obvious that he could not wait to get out what he seemed certain would be his big applause line of the day. However, when he said, "The problem in Venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented, but that socialism has been faithfully implemented." What followed was like the silence that must have followed the Gettysburg Address. This was quickly replaced by audible groaning from much of the audience, many of whom were…what’s the word I’m looking for…oh yes, socialists – as are most Americans, whether they know it or not. Chrumpy the Clown, not to be denied, waited and waited and waited until at least a smattering of, we’ll call it ‘polite’, applause struggled mightily to make itself heard above the dropping pins.

Chrump Chief-of-staff John Kelly enjoying his boss’s U.N. address

The Chrump Glower also landed with a dangerous thud on Cuba and Iran. He threatened both of these countries as well, particularly any lessening of tensions instituted by the Obama administration.

So, for those of you keeping score at home, you probably should stop keeping score. Your time would be better spent building a bomb shelter, drinking heavily, and/or making friends with someone in a Scandinavian (socialist) country that might be willing to shelter you for an undetermined length of time. Canada is simply too close to be a safe option.

Now we learn that Chrump’s old campaign manager and continued confidante, Paul Manafort appears to be on the brink of indictment. As the Chrump house of Russian nesting dolls is exposed down to the last tiny little doll, he surely will stop at nothing in order to distract our attention from his own imminent legal jeopardy and inevitable impeachment. And he will not go down without taking as many of us as he can with him. Chrump is nothing if not vindictive.

I. Mangrey reporting. Duck and cover.