Schmuck Of The Day

Ratpublicans vs. Voting

January 3, 2022

In a historic day – think Waterloo, Titanic, Hindenburg – the new wafer-thin majority of House Ratpublicans voted for their choice to be the next Speaker of the House. Voting is clearly not a Ratpublican strong suit.

A Louse Divided

Prohibitive (prohibited?) favorite – at least in his own “mind” – Kevin McCarthy, who had already moved his stuff into the Speaker’s office did not see his big day go the way he had hoped. Sniveling punk-ass-bitch McCarthy lost three votes (so far) in his Quixotic quest to become Speaker. This is the first time in a century that a speaker was not elected on the first ballot. 

As of now, with Congress in recess – perhaps more accurately, time-out – McCarthy remains in second place. Wanna know who is currently in the lead? That would be newly-minted leader of the Democratic caucus Hakeem Jeffries, who was unanimously chosen for Nancy Pelosi’s old job.

Two McCarthys: Charlie and real dummy Kevin 

Obviously, there is no real chance that Jeffries will get the necessary 218 votes to become the next speaker, but the current vote count is:

Hakeem Jeffries: 212
Kevin McCarthy: 202
Jim Jordan: 20

More exciting votes tomorrow.

Co-Schmuck Of The Day

Pugnacious pinhead Jordan has been attempting to persuade his supporters to move into the McCarthy camp. So far, Jordan has gained more votes for himself with each recount – kind of reminds me of all the recounts Ratpublicans attempted while trying to steal the 2020 election for fellow douchebag Donald Trump.

Jordan hasn’t been this dedicated to a colleague (with the possible exception of the aforementioned Trump) since his time as Ohio State wrestling coach. Jordan looked the other way when wrestlers begged him to step in because team doctor Richard Strauss was engaged in sexually abusing a number of wrestlers. Several victims have gone on record claiming that Jordan, among others, knew full well what Strauss was up to – a fact Jordan hopes to take with him to the grave. With any luck, it eats away at him every single day. That of course, futilely presumes the presence of a conscience.

Jordan has consistently invoked the Sgt. Schultz Amendment:

I refuse to comment because I know nothing, nothing!*

For the record, an independent report commissioned by the university concluded in 2019 that Strauss “sexually abused at least 177 male student-patients” between 1979 and 1998. The report stated that 22 coaches – unnamed in the report – said they were aware of rumors or complaints about Strauss.

A number of lawsuits have been filed against OSU over allegations related to Strauss. On Friday, OSU announced that it reached a monetary settlement with Strauss’ victims in 11 out of 18 pending cases. The doctor died by suicide in 2005. Jordan was not nearly so thoughtful.

_______________________________________________________
*Naturally, this is the only honest or useful thing Jordan has ever uttered; well, it would have been if he had actually said it.

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck(s) Of The Day. Schmuck you both.