This Just (Soon To Be) In

Leftover Predictions In Brief

January 1, 2023

Any holiday worth its salt involves leftovers. Our deep-seated sense of food insecurity goes back to the beginning of eating. While it is true that we at Paying Attention™ have never provided actual alimentary sustenance, we do hopefully provide food for thought via the potluck that is the internet.

January 2, 2023

Mr. Smith Comes To Washington

Special Prosecutor Jack Smith – if looks could convict

Fresh off his stint prosecuting some of the biggest assholes on Earth at The Hague, there is new hope that Jack Smith is the guy who will finally make Trump pay for his sins. Well, at least one of them. Hopefully. Certainly a chicken unworthy of being counted at this juncture. Sorry, not really much of a prediction.

Living Color – Cult of Personality

April 22, 2023

A Crisis Of Unconscious

With the climate crisis reaching new levels of WTF, most Earth Day events were cancelled. Some due to raging infernos, some due to catastrophic flooding or blizzards. Others were simply abandoned by people tired of banging their heads against brain-dead Ratpublicans’ Category 6 stupidity. “What’s the use of trying anymore?” asked one onlooker who refused to give his name, but claimed to have once been a U.S. senator and then vice president and victim of the most stolen election of all time. He continued, “There is an even more inconvenient truth out there, and that is the fact that there are just too many ignorant slobs out there, who think science is a hoax, who believe having a greater-than-single-digit IQ means you’re a threat.”

Todd Rundgren – Down With The Ship

June 19, 2023

George Santos – Quintessential Ratpublican

Having refused to step down after every single thing he ever said was a lie, George Santos (R-NY), claiming his lying was a hoax wrapped in a witch-hunt, drenched in a who-gives-a-fuck, is heralded by ersatz presidential candidate Donald Trump as his running mate for 2024. “George knows how to handle himself under pressure. I mean, how great is this guy. He’s black, he’s Jew-ish, he graduated from every college, worked for the biggest companies, and all of it off the books so no one even knows. Suddenly came into a ton of money with no sign of having done anything to earn it. Possibly in bed with Russian oligarchs. What’s not to love about this guy? Not everyone has the ability to lie so easily, so completely. That’s something I can respect and I want a guy like that by my side. I don’t think I’ll be exhorting my people to hang George Santos…anytime soon.”

My name is “George Santos” and I was “killed” in the “Holocaust”

Todd Rundgren – STFU

August 25, 2023

Doing The (Over)Lord’s Work

We are all familiar with the Fifth Amendment, which grants Americans the right against giving testimony that might tend to incriminate themselves. In an emergency session, one which somehow managed to exclude three of the women on the Court, a case that did not even exist was taken up by six justices. Suddenly, America had bestowed upon it – like it or not – a new amendment: The Fifth-And-A-Half Amendment.

Denying the rumors that this new amendment arose as a result of Ginni Thomas – the even dumber and whiter spouse of Clarence – Samuel Alito, speaking on condition of anonymity, told a room full of elderly white men who will never be asked for voter ID

“This amendment has nothing to do with Ginni Thomas. America has long needed protection from the law for various reasons. In this case, it is the right to get off scot-free if you are just too darn stupid to remember anything that might be inconvenient. But rest assured, this has nothing to do with Ginni Thomas being unable to remember her conversations with her “best friend” during one of the most critical, emotional and mind-numbingly stupid moments in her life. It’s just a coincidence – like us overturning Roe v. Wade after most of us testifying in public, under oath that we would never seek to interfere with settled law. Everyone knew we were full of shit. Except Susan Collins, bless her little heart and smaller brain.”

Aretha Franklin And The Eurythmics - Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

October 31, 2023

Daddy Issues

He doesn’t look at Kari the way he looks at Ivanka, but she’ll do
(whatever Donny wants)

Donald Trump announces that, “Since Ivanka has decided to stay out of politics this time around, I am announcing that I have adopted the beautiful and talented sociopath Kari Lake as my daughter. Hopefully, this makes it safer to date someone, even if she is my daughter. When you’re a star they let you do it. Depending on how this dating thing works out, I may have to rethink my choice of Santos as my running mate. And I definitely won’t be dating him, even though he is not may daughter…no matter what he claims.”

Mothers of Invention — Brown Shoes Don’t Make It

I think that pretty much covers it, but we will let you know if anything else reveals itself.

I. Mangrey recuperating.