Bringing You the Future Before It’s Too Late, Part III

Predictions, Prophecies, Prognostications, Projections and Piffle

Still trying to bag the elusive Monarch Butterbrain

I Can See Next Year From Here

December 31, 2022

Well, here it is. The final installment of what to expect in 2023. Well, according to some 60 percent of Americans we still have a 46^th president, despite repeated, albeit buffoonish and patently illegal attempts to pretend the 45^th presidency, a presidency which will live in infamy, never ended. Unfortunately, in democracies the pathetic loser, even one who was impeached twice – once for colluding with Russia yet still losing the popular vote, and once for accusing his opponent of doing what he actually did, stealing the next election and then planning and inciting a coup – is not simply rounded up along with his criminal cronies and thrown in jail. Pardon us while we indulge in a little dream candy…

Some very fine people on both sides…of the bars?
(The Best People, L-R: Manafort – convicted felon, Stone – convicted felon,
Flynn – convicted felon, Meadows – probably nearing indictment,
Giuliani – about to be disbarred/indicted, Pence – hanging still pending,
Don, Jr. – cokehead/heir to daddy’s throne/debts,
Bannon – convicted felon, King Pin – up to eyeballs in shit)

Donald Trump – the long COVID of presidents – still has us gnashing our teeth, fighting to keep food down, losing sleep and praying that the Constitution will ultimately prevail despite the unrelenting and seditious efforts of its arch enemies – Donald Turmp, the Ratpublican Party and the Supreme Court. Hopefully, Trump’s legacy will attain a fate similar to so many of Turmp’s other fraudulent, and ultimately failed ventures.

Ed Venture
Unmanageable Editor

August 16, 2023

Dim Bulbs vs. Bright Shiny Object

Ratpublicans in the House suddenly lose interest in Hunter Biden’s laptop after only 14 separate hearings, including several hundred hours of testimony – mostly from the My Pillow Guy – revealed even less than the dozen or so Benghazi hearings Ratpublicans held last time they were in the majority. According to reports someone entered the Capitol during one of these senseless, revenge-porn-esque hearings and began shining a laser pointer around the room. This so distracted McCarthy’s mental munchkins that they ended up following the red dot out of the building, past the Hang Mike Pence Memorial Gallows, and straight into the Potomac. No one noticed they were missing for several months, during which much of the people’s work got done.

September 24, 2023

And The Winner Is...

The January 6^th Committee Hearing miniseries racked up 12 Emmys in unprecedented fashion. Never before has any show crossed over categories so comprehensively. The Committee won Emmys for Best Documentary, Best Reality Show, Best Drama and Best Miniseries. Chairman Bennie Thompson won for Leading Actor, Liz Cheney for Best Supporting Actress and Jamie Raskin and Adam Schiff shared Best Producer honors. 

I thought the committee did a great job, but I must admit I was expecting the Spanish Inquisition. Or at the very least, a comfy chair or some soft cushions.

Chairman Bennie Thompson, overcome with joy after accepting his Emmy

Donald Trump won a newly created category, slated to become a one-time-only award (kind of like the 2000 Bush v. Gore Supreme Court decision that appointed a president, but was asterisked as not useable as precedent in the future) for Biggest Asshole/Defendant In A Very Public Investigation. Trump was not given an actual Emmy for his efforts, but was told to spend some quality time with his No Balls, Putz Prize, and was given a number of excellent suggestions for off-label usage.

November 8, 2023

He Cannot Not Tell A Lie

Under oath Trump, sweating more than a badly beaten football team in a cramped post-game sauna, swears up, down and sideways, “Melanie made me do it. She is a very foreign and possibly very dangerous person. She’s the brains in the outfit and she might be part of the fake Russia hoax. I only do what she tells me. I obviously don’t understand how anything works. It was all Melanie and Ivanka. I think Ivanka was out to get me from the beginning because I refused to date her. This is the God’s truth. I forgot to bring my Bible, but Two Corinthians – am I right? Cross my heart and hope you die.”

She’s the one – that foreign-sounding loser over there. I never met her before.

November 30, 2023

Donald J. Trump, STFU In Peace

On his long-overdue deathbed, Donald Trump finally concedes the 2020 election. Just kidding, his final words were, “Biggest crowds ever…stolen election...11,780 votes…covfefe.”

December 31, 2023

This Will Have Been The Year That Will Have Been

We are predicting that the year 2023 will come to an end, at midnight or there abouts. We are simply not stupid enough to even consider predicting how. There is a non-zero percent chance that we will once again be relieved to wring out 2023.

Do I smell smoke?

Out With (ano)The(r) Bad Year, In With The Good

So, that’s it for Paying Attention in 2022 and now we all know what to expect in 2023 – or at least some of it. There is no way to predict all the idiocy that the new wafer-thin Ratpublican majority has in store. Election deniers will make up more than one-third of the 118^th House of Representatives. For now, just enjoy New Year’s Eve, think responsibly, and for now, forget the future ever happened.

Feel free to ignore all predictions except this one from the world’s foremost authority: “If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.”

From Ed Venture, I. Mangrey, T. Doff and Shay King, and our research and legal teamS:

Hello 2023, come right in, we’ve been expecting you.

Don’t let the sun, the moon or any other

proximate Celestial body catch you crying