December 22, 2022
Disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and
Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president and professional life-long
grifter Donald Trump, who continues to insist he is still president, has once
again drenched himself with shame and ignominy with yet another pathetic scam
to bilk his mentally-challenged supporters. This time we find Dumb Donald
hawking kitschy (i.e., pathetic and ugly) digital trading cards. For a mere $99
you (well, not you, but someone nothing like you) can “have” for your very own
(sort of) a custom made photoshopped image of Trump – though not one of your
own choosing, but instead a randomly selected one – delivered to…your email?
These images depict El Trumpo as many things he has never
been – astronaut, military man, cowboy, football player, elephant rider, president…and
all of them show Donald the Hutt as svelte as all get-out. As if all that was
not enough, each purchase entitled the buyer to enter a lottery to win any of a
number of special prizes, one of which was lunch with the Donald itself.
Fortunately for you, it's already too late to get your
filthy little hands on any of Trump's long awaited In-The-Pokey-Mon Cards. For
one thing, they never really existed in the first place – they were worthless
NFTs, whatever the fuck they are (were). If you don’t understand
exactly, or even vaguely, what NFTs are, then good for you. Also, according to
the biggest liar in the history of humankind (despite not being fully human,
but some bizarre, experiment-gone-very-very-wrong human/animal hybrid) – Donald
Trump – these ersatz digital excretions sold out almost immediately. Just like
Trump himself. Chances are, he had them bought up by a sympathetic (emphasis on
pathetic) party, or simply bought them himself, or more likely made them
disappear, or most likely the whole event was fake news designed to distract
the spotlight away from other things like being referred to the Justice
Department for insurrection and other bad behavior, or his tax returns finally
seeing the light of day. We really need to start ignoring anything he says or
does unless it involves him testifying or being frog-marched out of Mor-on
Lago.
For those of you stuck in a horrible depression, having
missed out on the dumbest opportunity of a lifetime – this side of investing
with Sam Bankman-Fried's cryptocurrency scam FTX – we
here at Paying Attention™ feel your digital pain. We are making available our
own very beautiful none-of-a-kind
Trump In The Wind, Little Donny In Bed With Food, Don With Binky,
Tweeting In The Oval, Fuckface Von Clownstick & Jon Stewart, Trump & Pet COVIDs,
MAGAmorphosis, Don & Vlad Forever, Trumpiñata, Daffy Don
But wait, there’s more…
Donny Dowrong, Hair Trump: Der Furor, Trump Stress Conference,
Trumpolini Testifies, Dead Trump Sketch, Maj. “King” Trump Riding The Bomb,
Trump Of Man, Trump Gets His Way, Cave Trumps Hunting Rats
As a special offer for this wonderful holiday season – yes, that’s right I said holiday season – the wonderful people here at Paying Attention™ are making these incredible images of “your favorite president of all time – better than Lincoln, better than Washington”* available, for a limited time only for a mere $1,000,000 each. You, and you alone will be the exclusive owner of the very, very beautiful image of your choice.** And you can even choose the one you want, none of this random assignment shit you get from other scam artists. Act now and get an ice crusher.
Ann Artist at work
*Yes, he actually fucking said this in his MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
**Unless someone else is also willing to buy the same one
Ann Artist
Art Director, Paying Attention™
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