Tuck And Cover

It’s A Two-Way Deceit 

April 17, 2023

An increasingly demented, delusional and desperate Donald Trump gifted Fucker Carlson with an exclusive interview/ass-kissing session. Both men, shamelessly aware that Carlson was exposed as saying of Trump, “I hate him passionately.” They deserve each other. We deserve neither of them.

During the truly dystopian interview with Carlson, Trump mewled that as he entered the Manhattan courtroom for his first of many arraignments, “It’s a tough, tough place. And, they were crying, they were actually crying. They said ‘I’m sorry,’ they’d say, ‘2024 sir,’ and tears were pouring down. I’ve never seen anything like that.”

There’s a good reason he’d never seen anything like that. it never happened.

A law enforcement official present at the time reported that no one was crying and no one was offering up apologies. The technical term the official used was “absolute BS.” When asked how much truth there was to Trump's seemingly absurd account, the source replied “Zero. There were zero people crying. There were zero people saying ‘I'm sorry.’”

That sobbing you heard Donald, was coming from inside that mostly empty cranium atop your drooping shoulders whose only purpose is to provide a platform for orange spray paint and that cotton-candy-like substance you pretend is hair. Those apologies were coming from something very tiny, even smaller than your hands, something you were sure you had long ago jettisoned as useless and inconvenient, if not in fact forgotten altogether. People call it a conscience.

Keep digging, sir.

I. Mangrey reporting. Those are tears of joy.