A Farce Of Nature

Huckabee Sanders And The End Of The World As We Know It*

April 9, 2024

WARNING: we are fully aware that today is not April Fools’ Day. Apparently, every day is April Fools’ Day for some people, or more likely some people are just fools every fucking day. To (half)wit…

Arkansas’ second-generation governor, first-rate (and second-generation) numbskull (and alleged crook) Sarah Huckabee Sanders declared a state of emergency in anticipation of the April 8 solar eclipse. It is entirely possible that the baby-pea-sized “brain” rattling around in Huckabee Sanders’ very thick skull had confused ‘eclipse’ with ‘apocalypse.’

Beware The Apoceclipse.

No one asked the white nationalist, Trump-addled shitwit if there was in fact some confusion between the two words, or perhaps some very concerning permanent brain damage. No reporter had any interest in spending the amount of time with Sanders that it would have taken to get her answer, which would have been frightening no matter what explanation she chose. Most reporters were more than willing to chalk it up to religious fanaticism and a complete lack of critical thinking ability.

It has yet to be determined if Huckabee Simpleton is dumber than EmptyG who is sticking with the Cro-magnon explanation that the gods have been angered and blocked out the Sun in the hope that we will all repent. The ancient Chinese thought an eclipse occurred because a giant dragon swallowed the Sun, Margie probably thinks it went up her ass.

Clearly, her face is badly broken, and likely leached through to whatever is inside there.

The idiot sans savant governor of the dumbass state that elected her – after having every opportunity to watch her, day after stupid fucking day, lying her pathetic ass off in service to a demented, deranged, disgraced, twice-impeached, twice-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president – put out the following statement three days before the never-before seen event that figured to end the world (or maybe just Arkansas?) by blotting out the Sun for some unknown period of time, possibly forever. 

Spoiler Alert: scientists know exactly how long it will last, exactly when it will happen again, where to watch it, and they actually know how and why it happens.

Unfortunately, people like Huckabee Slanders believe they are not affected by things like science. they answer to a dumber power. “Out of an abundance of caution**, I've directed funds to be released from the Response and Recovery Fund ahead of the Great American Eclipse.” Is it possible to drunk-dial a press release?

The “Great American Eclipse?” what the fuck is that? It’s an eclipse – there were some 70 total eclipses and countless partials in the 20^th Century. Not all are visible from the U.S. The last one we could see was only seven years ago. What we have here is a total eclipse of the brain. Someone really needs to seek professional help and serious medication.

And for a change, it’s not me.

Long live the Apoceclipse. Is it over yet?

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I guess I was spared being obliterated by the Apoceclipse due to the massive, very dark clouds that eclipsed the Apoceclipse where I live. For the rest of you who did not survive this devastating catastrophe, tough shit.

Probably because I decided

to listen to it on the radio

In Other News Of The Toxically Stupid…

The Fascist/Trump-controlled Congress returns from their most recent recess with a very long to-don’t list.

Like:

          Renaming Washington Dulles International Airport after former president Donald Trump (In response, House Democrats introduced a bill to rename the Miami Federal Correctional Institution in Florida as the “Donald J. Trump Federal Correctional Institution.”*** At least that makes sense.)

Impeaching DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas for the crime of working for the Biden administration

Withholding aid from Ukraine

Literally kissing Trump’s ass live on C-SPAN

Ousting another hapless Speaker of The House

______________________________________________
*And I don’t feel fine.
**That’s caution, spelled s-t-u-p-i-d-i-t-y. And it’s an over-abundance.
***This is not a joke.

I. Mangrey reporting. You decide.