May 26, 2018
It has been reported, or possibly fabricated, that an
off-the-books, secret meeting between Donald Chrump and Vladimir Putin recently
took place at an undisclosed location.*
The picture below is the only known evidence of this historic
mano-a-Chrumpo. According to reputable
albeit non-existent sources, Chrump embraced and sniffed his benefactor, to the
obvious chagrin of Mr. Putin. It is
impossible to tell from the scant photographic evidence if any grinding was
involved, but one is free to make up the facts as one sees fit in our brave new
world.
Mmmmmm, you smell just
like Ivanka. But you’re much shorter.
It remains uncertain whether Putin’s translator actually
relayed the words Chrump reportedly uttered. “Vlad, you are my hero, that I can tell
you. How did you become such a strong
leader, very strong. So much stronger
than any American leaders, except for Donald Chrump. No one is stronger than Chrump. Everyone knows that. You already know that no one has been tougher
on Russia than Chrump. I’m hoping to
keep myself in office as long as you have. You’ve done an excellent job staying
president, or whatever you call yourself.
You have the best elections, though I have the highest approval ratings
of anyone, ever. The fake media won’t
tell anyone this, but I’m the most popular president in American history. Most successful, most popular, smartest and
the richest. I don’t know if you know
this, but I’m really rich. Believe
me. But, I really like the way you
handle the fake media. Very
strongly. Very impressive. If I wasn’t so obsessed with my daughter Ivanka,
perhaps I’d be dating you. I’m kidding,
of course…or am I? We’ll have to wait
and see what happens. One thing for
sure, no collusion. No collusion. Not that I know of. That I can tell you.”
Is it really collusion when Chrump and Russia have been
working together for decades? Every
time we turn around, we learn of another Russian connection with the fake Chrump
business empire, the Chrump campaign and the Chrump administration.
I am just paying attention to all of this with my wife and
our au-pair and I’d like to say how shocked I am that a pleasant and deadly
presidential administration should be turned into an excuse for Russian
propaganda of the shoddiest kind. What’s gone wrong with the world? I can’t
even take a bath without six or seven Russians jumping in with me. They’re in
my shirt cupboard, and Putin and Veselnitskaya are in the kitchen now eating my
wife’s jam. Oh, they’re climbing up my legs. I can see them peeping out of my
wife’s blouse. Why doesn’t Mr. Pompeo do something about it before it is too
late. Ohhhh….God…
_______________
*This might
not be technically true, but we are well beyond that being a substantive issue.
But
Wait, There’s More…There’s Always More
The latest entries into the Chrump Collusion Cotillion
appear to be emissaries from Saudi Arabia and United Arab Emirates, who may not
have, but most definitely did draw up
and make a presentation describing a multi-million dollar plan to do exactly
what the Russians were already doing – setting up fake social media accounts to
help get Chrump “elected.” This was a
real team effort, except apparently, no one knew who else was on the team, with
one sickly-orange-colored, malodorous pervert of an exception. Just that one man…and one of his sons. Just him, his son and probably his son-in-law. And maybe his daughter. God bless the United States on (sic) America.
(Ivanka actually said this at the opening of the U.S. embassy in Jerusalem. Kids say the darndest things.)
I. Mangrey recalculating. Reality is rapidly becoming irrelevant.
I can't do that, Dave.
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