Bang The Chrump Slowly

Chrump Shoots Himself in The Face With Iran

 

May 11, 2018

Touched by an Asshole: Uncle Psycho Wants YOU! 

Chrump continues to carry out his only agenda – other than enriching himself – reversing every single achievement gained, against incredible odds, by Barack Obama.  Maybe Der Furor is upset because he was so fucking wrong in so many ways about Obama’s birth circumstances. 
Trump said, “Today's action sends a critical message: the United States no longer makes empty threats.  When I make promises, I keep them.”  According to alternative sources he added, “As everyone knows, I am the United States and the United States is me.” 

King Donny XIV

“I never second guess my self. I have a terrific self, the best genes.  And, as everyone knows, I have a very good brain, and many people are saying this, and my brain always gets it right the first time.  Like Roy Moore – I was against him before I was for him and now I’m against him again, and not just because he lost and is now a loser.  It’s because I was right the first time, like always.  So I never second guess myself unless, after I second guess myself, I go back to my first guess.  So it’s like I never changed my mind in the first place.  In fact, I never think about any decision I make.  I just make it, and when I make a promise that’s it.  It doesn’t matter if that promise is incredibly stupid or dangerous.  And nobody tells me what to do, not my advisors, not our allies, not even Ivanka, though she thinks I listen to her – she’s such a sweet kid, if she wasn’t my daughter perhaps I’d be dating her.

Many people are saying that I’m an asshole, but I’m not just an asshole, I’m an incredible asshole.  I would say, probably the most incredible asshole of all time I think.”

We Could Do Worse, But Not Very Likely…Except Maybe Mike Pence

Der Furor recently addressed an adoring crowd as he writhes in his last throes.  He “joked”, “So unless they give me an extension for the presidency — which I do not think the Fake News media would be too happy about. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Actually, they would be happy, because when I am not here their ratings are going to sink. So they would probably be very happy.”  This, from the same man who celebrated the homecoming of three Americans just freed from North Korea, by carping about how amazing the television ratings for their 3:00am arrival stateside must have been.  His priorities have never been clearer.

What is unclear though is whether by, “extension for the presidency”, he meant he should be allowed to serve more than two terms, or if he was referring to being permitted to complete a single term after he is indicted by Robert Mueller, and subsequently impeached. Chrump might be better off – or possibly be best off – asking Dick Cheney to shoot him in the face.

Chrump is not putting all of his rotten eggs in one solid gold basket though. He is already working closely with two of his closest advisors to replace the couch potatoes of Fux and Friends.  Those close to the prezident say he is spending most of his time – when not watching the current Fox and Friends – in rehearsals, preparing his audition tape for the next phase of his reality-show career.

The new unproved Fux and Friends

I. Mangrey repeating. TV or not TV, that is the question.