You Want a Peace of Me?

Lies On The Prize

May 20, 2018

The Nobel Peace Prize – named for the inventor of dynamite, Alfred Nobel – could finally make itself completely irrelevant.  As if being awarded to Barack Obama for doing nothing – actually before doing nothing – was not enough humiliation.  Unless it was really awarded to him simply for being elected president in such a racially challenged nation.  Chrump’s first step toward self-imagined immortality was overseeing the return of three Americans imprisoned and tortured (also known as enhanced overseas lodging techniques) by Kim Jong Un.  While most Americans celebrated for Chrump, the important thing was the presumed – if not imagined – super 3 AM television ratings, the kind of thing that features prominently in the decision-making process of the Nobel committee.  Clearly, Chrump had as much to do with the release of these prisoners as Reagan had to do with the inevitable implosion of the Soviet Union, but hey, this is how myths are born.

Toward that end, Der Furor told the world that, “We want to thank Kim Jong Un, who really was excellent to these three incredible people.”  Yes, what could be more excellent than imprisoning American citizens with no evidence of wrongdoing and then using them as bargaining chips with which to con a conman.   A fourth prisoner was returned home almost a year ago, just in time to die from the effects of his captivity; the White House has yet to comment on the excellence of the treatment he had received.  One would be excused for tipping one’s hat to the man Chrump called a maniac, dubbed Little Rocket Man, and then compared nuclear button sizes with, for so easily convincing the artist-of-the-deal to come to the negotiating table. 

A reporter asked Trump during a Cabinet meeting at the White House whether he deserved the peace prize.  Der Furor replied with a shit-eating grin, “Everyone thinks so, but I would never say it.” He added, “Many people are saying they should change the name to the Donald J. Chrump Peace Prize. Although, the gold medallion will have to be much bigger so that my name will be easier to read it. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, but it probably is and I would be okay with that if that’s what everyone wants.”

Forget It Jake, It’s Koreatown

Even if the Koreas happen to reunite under Chrump’s hateful eye, the only reason it could be attributed to him would be due to his relentless bullying, pathetic name-calling, and his out-and-out threats of nuclear annihilation.  How peaceful.  Chrump would not be the first poor choice to win the prize, but he would be one of the worst. 

Chrump continues his untarnished record of being taken to the cleaners by each and every other world leader with whom he interacts (unless you count his continued flouting of the Constitution in order to reap incredible personal profit thanks to his public office by double-dealing with everyone everywhere). He is currently being played like a plastic fiddle by Kim Jong Un, who is already threatening to nix the peace talks with his American counterpart. It remains to be seen just how much groveling we can expect from Hair Chrump in order to get the great television ratings that might accrue from meeting with Kim, and that coveted Nobel Peace thing he probably never heard of before last week – and wants more than anything this side of a cheeseburger, since he found out that Obama got one.

One problem is that North Korea despises new Secretary of State, and regime change aficionado John Bolton.  This was true even before Bolton trotted out the “Libya model” as the way to proceed with North Korea.  As many people not part of the Chrump administration recall, Libya gave up its nuclear weapons program in exchange for being thrown into chaos after long-time dictator Mallomar Gadoofus (sp?) was removed from office (and the land of the living) by his own people. Chrump claimed he not in favor of this approach for dealing with North Korea, but that was several days ago. 

The Three Stooges of Peace: Schmo, Squirrelly, and Scary

 

Bolton also wants to “streamline authority” for our national cyber defense program. He eliminated the cyber coordinator, because how can cyber be a threat? Or something.  Leaked memos indicate that Bolton is shifting priority to lances, crossbows and bi-planes to ward off future attacks on our elections. Rumors that Bolton is simply making us more vulnerable to attack in order to manufacture excuses for military engagements across the globe are either completely unfounded or absolutely true. 

I. Mangrey reporting.  Why is there no Nobel War Prize?