Electile Dysfunction Hits The Bigtime
This is really well done…
Just for the record (16 years ago)…
February 3, 2005
Are you having trouble sustaining an election?
Announcing an important new drug for a serious condition afflicting hundreds of millions of people the world over.
You may already need the newest and most remarkable wonder-drug of all time - VOTEGRA. Not just for men. Not just for women. Hundreds of millions of people all over the world are suffering horribly and don't even know it. You may think you're healthy and just fine in every way or you may simply be in denial like so many others. Don't let another (chance at an election go by leaving you in the dust) (four years go by leaving you) feeling angry, depressed, hopeless, powerless, useless, out of step, unamerican or just plain stoopid. The FDA has waived all safety regulations and precautions - and that's almost a stretch for them. This drug is too important to hold back any longer.
Are you suffering from Electile Dysfunction?
Can't get into the booth like you used to? Are you voting blanks? Do you wish you could do it more often and make it mean something? Is your chad just hanging there limp and listless? Is your votecount shockingly lower than you ever would have expected? Is your once worthless candidate now just a worthless has-been? Would you like to be able to throw a football through a tire?
VOTEGRA won't just help you keep an election for as long as you want. It may even help you prop up a government for years on end. You'll be fighting off those corporate whores with a stick if you know what I mean. And why shouldn't you be - you put the pedal to the metal and made your vote count like you haven't been able to do for years. Who's your daddy now? With VOTEGRA your election will be valid every time. No more just wishing you had an election - VOTEGRA can make you feel like you could get that lever up and down any time you want to. Don't wait any longer - ask your doctor or senator if VOTEGRA is for you.
Electile dysfunction is no joke. You may have it and not even know it. Do something about it before it's too late and you end up with a wiener in the White House. Oops, you waited too long - don't let it happen again.
Possible side effects include runny candidates, listless legislators, long lines, spoiled votes, butterfly ballots, purged voter rolls, euphoria, multiple orgasms, draft-dodgers, hickies, Partiot Act III, armed repression, cranio-rectal syndrome, Jeb Bush, recounts, John Kerry, Office Of Homeland Torture, Al Gore, minority suppression, armageddon.
If your election lasts longer than four years
contact your arms dealer immediately.
This has been a Paying
Attention Special Broken News report.
We now return you to
your regularly scheduled dysfunction.
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