White Makes Right, Part 5,002,495

The United States Of Shooting Black People

November 19, 2021

Once again America is on the edge of its white, watching the wheels of justice churn in the brutal hunting down and murder of Ahmaud Arbery. Three white men in a pick-up truck with a Confederate Flag license plate chased an unarmed, innocent black man, claiming to be executing a citizens’ arrest, when in fact they ended up simply executing an unarmed black man. The defense attorney, in an attempt to make everything crystal clear, asked the court to ban “black pastors” from the courtroom. Mighty white of him.

Police arrived on the scene shortly after the senseless murder of Ahmaud Argery:

Officer: “Did he have your gun?”

Murdering White Idiot Travis McMichael: “I want to say he did.”

McMichael sang a different tune on the witness stand, claiming there without doubt that Arbery grabbed the gun that was poised to at least threaten him and ultimately did murder him in cold blood. For being black.

According to an alternative quote from McMichael, “I was minding my own business after we chased the ni…nasty guy down and threatened to blow his fucking brains out, and he tried to get away. Once we had him trapped, I very politely stuck the barrel of my gun in his face and I was shocked when he may or may not have tried to protect himself and take it away. So, I had to shoot him. Or, maybe he shot himself with my shotgun. We may never know. Anyway, that’s what we call self-defense here in Georgia. These people are dangerous.”

Remember kids, if you try to protect yourself from a racist, white vigilante pointing a shotgun at you at close range (or any range for that matter), it’s not self-defense. The only way you can get justice is if a cop kneels on your neck for 10 minutes…on camera.

Also, remember that when you are on the witless stand, making excuses for murdering someone who is black or black-adjacent, do your best Brett “Credibly-Accused Sexual Abuser” Cavanaugh, and bring those tears to your eyes and cheeks, and for that extra special touch, consider soiling yourself and then stand up and show your brave self to the judge and jury – after all, there’s a good chance they are on your side anyway. If you have trouble manufacturing tears, just think about what it will be like on your second day in prison, a prison that undoubtedly overly populated by black folks, who may have heard about your affinity for Confederacy kitsch, and what you did last summer.

Second Amendment Shoots First Amendment In The Face…Again

Of course, white supremacist fanboy, teen vigilante Kyle Rittenhouse was found not guilty on all counts despite having killed two people with a semi-automatic weapon he should never have possessed, while intruding in a situation he had no business being involved in. This was a dicey legal case all the way around, but still…not guilty of anything? After killing two and permanently disabling another? Dick Cheney must be jealous as hell.

Apparently, the only way to stop a black guy without a gun, is a white guy with a gun.

Steely Dan – With A Gun

I. Mangrey repeating.