May 13, 2022
Supreme Court Jester Samuel “I’ve
Been Planning This For Almost Fifty Years” Alito relied on a witch hunter from the 17th
century as
the foundation for his argument aimed at overturning Roe v. Wade. Alito’s 17th
century source “had at least two women executed for witchcraft and wrote a
treatise supporting marital rape.” Wow, a Ratpublican before their time.
In
a stunning and futile gesture to seem even vaguely relevant to the 21st
Century, Alito quoted renown beer enthusiast, credibly accused sexual assaulter
and perjurer Brett “I Still Like Beer…Do You Like Beer” Kavanaugh six times. A
thoroughly modern mooncalf if ever there was one.
Apparently
someone or something took a leak* on Alito’s Medieval malfeasance, alerting the
hoi polloi to the impending roll-back of human decency. It just figures that
when Ratpublicans finally side with science, it would have to be science from
the 17th Century.
Alito claims historical
precedent for aborting women’s rights to control their own
bodies. If he bothered to read history other than that lauding a 17th
century witch-hunting, abortion-hating Englishman, Alito would learn that abortion
has been a widely accepted, practice beginning in antiquity and continuing
through history. According to historian John M. Riddle, there may have been more
access to reproductive care for many women in the actual Dark Ages (approximately
the 5th century to 10th century) than they have in many
parts of the United States today. Guess which parts.
Motherfucker’s Day
Just
in time for Mother’s Day, on a day that henceforth will be known as
Motherfucker’s Day, Alito and his hench-maggots –
Thomas, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and Clowney-Barrett (all of whom are radical Christians
who fear and loathe the Founders’ explicit calls for separation of Church and
State) – let loose with their plan to ensure there will be more mothers
than you can shake a dick at. And if you do happen to shake a dick where it
don’t belong, congratufuckinglations, you are a motherfucker…and a new deadbeat
dad. But don’t worry lads, you can’t be held responsible for your actions (if
you’re white). According to Ratpublicans, you are doing God’s work by creating
life, without doing life.
As
an extra added bonus, the soon-to-be-mother you fucked will be legally required
to carry your sperm-and-eggs to term, while you go to jail for some totally
unrelated crime, never knowing, let alone caring, that you have forced a new
life into this godforsaken hellscape. Luckily you will have a bunch of other
white dudes making sure the involuntary mother of your abandoned child can’t
get welfare, child care or decent schooling. And the unsuspecting, involuntary
mother will not be afforded paid maternity leave – so high-fives all around.
Also lucky for you, you cannot get pregnant no matter how much love you get in
prison.
For
the record, all of these rapists-of-the-law – Thomas, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh and
Coney-Barrett – lied and/or perjured themselves whenever they opened their
mouths about Roe v. Wade. And poor Susan Collins; how can she live with herself
after assuring the American public that the chaste, if beer-addled Brett
Kavanaugh would most certainly uphold settled, resettled and repeatedly upheld
law would remain so. More important, how can we live with herself.
Alito’s daft…I mean draft opinion determined that the “inescapable conclusion is that a right to abortion is not deeply rooted in the Nation’s history and tradition. Apparently, neither is Alito’s religiously fanatical “thinking.”
Anyone
who insists on being anti-choice must be put on a list to receive the result of
every single rape, incest or other unwanted pregnancy until there are none
left. These are the same idiots who want the government’s hands off their
Medicare, but they want them all over women’s bodies. The same mental
defectives screaming about how disease-preventing masks steal freedom, ignore
the freedom of women to decide what to do with their own bodies. USA! USA! USA!
With
any luck, our self-inflicted climate crisis will accelerate beyond our wildest
expectations and/or ignorance and put this whole sorry mess to bed.
*Correction:
It was actually Alito who took a leak on American women. Someone else leaked
his despicable draft. We regret this error.
I.
Mangrey reporting. Don’t forget to check your scam folder for more fun from the
Extreme Court.
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