Schmuck For The Year

Springtime For Cawthorn

May 24, 2022

Hitler fanboy and psychotic post-teen now-ex-Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) somehow managed to be too fucked up for Tmrup’s Ratpublican Party. Despite the enthusiastic endorsement from disgraced, twice-impeached, two-time-popular-vote-losing, one-term, seditious, ex-president and failed blogger Donald Tmurp himself, Cawthorn was primaried right out of his House seat. A seat he should have never been permitted to occupy, but then that’s not a disqualifying factor for Ratpublicans anymore.

Too bad for the young lad. No more invites to Ratpublican cocaine orgies. But look on the bright side little guy, you can spend all the time you want at Hitler's mountain retreat. Maybe you can run for dog catcher...or get caught by one.

Not everyone is on a Führer name basis with the head Nazi
Was he hoping to see his Führer’s ghost…
or old (really old) Adolph himself…or maybe Elvis?
What else is on this little twerp’s bucket list?

After conceding defeat – Wait, what!? – rather than bidding us all a fond farewell, the little shit threatened America with, “The time for gentile politics as usual has come to an end. It's time for the rise of the new right, it's time for Dark MAGA to truly take command.” I will agree though that I too have had enough of gentile politics.

Sure, he meant “genteel” politics, and someone, I guess his mom eventually fixed it for him. At least he didn’t threaten us with “marshall law” or the “gazpacho police” of Marge Taylor Groane.

Now Cawthorn can pursue his hobbies – taking firearms to the airport and driving too fast with a revoked license. Or he can just go back to Hitler’s Eagles Nest retreat and retire...and maybe take a page from his cherished Führer and leave us the fuck alone.

Springtime for Hitler

This has been your Paying Attention™ Schmuck For The Day Year.

You're welcome.