Broken News

Lights, Camera, Asshole

March 6, 2023

Ratpublican cocaine addict – no, not George WTF Bush – Don Trump, Jr. wiped his nose after getting coked up backstage and oozed on stage at this year’s CPAC fiasco. Days later, after Junior showed off his best coke-addled rants, Daddy Dumbest gave the event's keynote address – as expected, another sordid affair full of lies, whining and wholly unwarranted narcissism – to a fairly empty venue populated by almost completely empty heads. You know, morons.

While laying out his latest grift – telling his marks to switch from woke cell providers like Verizon, AT&T, etc., to Patriot Mobile (who rent their bandwidth from Verizon, AT&T, etc.) – Done, Jr. spewed this

Support businesses that support your values, put their kids through soccer camp and soccer practice, rather than funding, you know, what is it, ten-month abortions. You know, some of the insanity that we see on the other side.

Somebody get that man a teleprompter. Then teach him how to read. Then duct-tape his mouth shut. Or better yet, sutures. Even better, a nice rubber room. Or something with bars.

Snowflake Or Snow Blower?

Until then, carve out some time from your busy schedule to see the latest in entertainment from the good people at Paying Attention™. The directorial debut of none other than I. Mangrey, screenplay by Ed Venture, and a cast of one.

Attempting to ride the unlikely coattails of the hit movie Cocaine Bear – a 500-pound black bear consumes a significant amount of cocaine and embarks on a drug-fueled rampage (knock off 300-or-so pounds and you have a certain nepotistic knock-off) – we are proud (well, not so much proud as resigned) to bring you the next box office smash, and guaranteed Oscar nominee for Most Disturbing Film…

They call him Done, Jr.

Same genetic damage, a fraction of the extremely-acquired-taste “charisma” the intellectually-challenged see in his father.
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree; the shit doesn’t fall far from the asshole.
he is the cocaine bore!
Every time he assaults social media he appears to be coked to the gills. If he’s not on the stuff, that would be even scarier. Either way, he’s one hot mess. Hide your daughters, your sons, your fruits and vegetables – he is the universal contaminant.
every time he talks an angel throws up in its mouth and gets herpes.
beware the cocaine bore!
Shut him up before everyone gets hurt.

You won’t want to miss this one. Probably.

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blissful ignorance.