We’re Delighted, He’s Indicted

Phase One, In Which Donald Gets His Oats

March 30, 2023

Disgraced, twice-impeached, failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president Donald Trump continues to make history. This time he becomes the first ex-president to be indicted. Trump was indicted by a Manhattan grand jury on 30 as-yet-unspecified felony charges.

The real one of these is scheduled for next Tuesday

First was Trump’s historically disgusting campaign, followed by his historically horrific administration full of mentally challenged, anti-democratic, soon-to-be convicted felons. After aiding and abetting the deadly COVID-19 pandemic, and losing the 2020 election in historic fashion, Donald Trump incited an insurrection, a coup d’état, a historic assault on the U.S. Capitol that ended in several deaths and some thousand convictions on a variety of charges, including seditious conspiracy. Then came the history-making second of two, count ‘em, two impeachments. This makes Trump the most historic president in history.

Donald, for all his bravado and stupidity, must be needing to have his diaper changed much more frequently after this latest turn of events. He took to his failing Twitter knock-off to whine electronically:

That’s right. Trump has been INDICATED. And INDICTED.
Oh, and by the way, you’re being PROSECUTED, not PERSECUTED

Fun fact: Here's what the pathetic putz Trump posted on his site yesterday:

Oopsie! Methinks Trump is a witch (with apologies to real witches).

Some Excitement Over Indictment

Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg announced on Wednesday that the grand jury considering the indictment of Trump was poised to take a long-planned two-week hiatus. The very next day it was reported that the same grand jury was voting on the indictment and subsequently voted to indict. I guess it’s true what they say – a grand jury can indict a Ham Sandwich.

According to American justice, defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty. Since every other convention has been breached by life-long criminal Donald Trump, this is no time to fall back on quaint traditions. I am not a lawyer, and in most cases neither are you, so we are not constrained by either convention or actual law. I have decided that this is the time to consider uh-alternative laws…to coin a phrase.

Artist’s rendition of Trump voluntarily surrendering to authorities for arraignment

Now, among other things, we must prepare ourselves for the “potential death and destruction” that defendant Trump “suggested” might result from any indictment of any or all of his “alleged” crimes.

I. Mangrey rejoicing (just a bit).

The jerks write themselves, friends.