January 30, 2026
Well, this is it
boys and girls. The big event. You won’t want to miss the opportunity not seeing the most
talked-about, high-profile biggest flop of the Melania…I mean, millennium.
From the man that
brought you the biggest killer of small businesses this side of Walmart, one of
the wealthiest, greediest, Trumpiest suck-ups this side of JD Vance – Jeff
Bezos, the man who gave the worst first lady $40M for her worthless three-weeks-of-her-life
story.
Put it on your
calendar for today, make sure you prepare to miss the first showing, and stay
home and watch paint dry. You’ll be glad you did.
You thought it was
a joke. You thought the trailer was the work of The Onion. But, no it’s as
pathetically stupid as it is real.
Here it is (and you
need to yell this in a loud, Jerry Lewis-type ALL CAPS voice…
MELANIA
I’ve noticed that many
articles refer to this blockblunder film as ‘Melania’. It’s MELANIA dammit.
What do they think she is, some low-rent hooker? MELANIA is the first fucking
lady for fuck sake. Treat her and her schlockumentary with the fake respect she
never earned. This kind of bullshit just corrodes my crockpot. After all, Bezos
bribed $40M for the story and kicked in another $35M to promote this worthless
piece of shit…I’m sorry this piece of gold-plated shit.
A “True” Story
Be sure to get your
tickets while they last, which by all accounts will be until the Sun burns out.
They’re selling nobody’s…buying. And make sure to miss it today, because it
will be gone tomorrow*, that is if you can even find a theater stupid enough to
make it available for you to Natsee.
Also, This Too
Not only will this bribe, er
fuckumentary go down as one of the worst, least seen pieces of shit ever to insult
a set of eyeballs, we’ve just learned that historians did not exactly give the
subject of this travesty a rousing Rotten Tomatoes review either, though they did
unanimously give a very loud, piercing YELP!
Well, at least the crappy couple deserve each other
____________________________________________________
*That is if they don’t shut it down half-way through,
gather all theater employees to toss it in the dumpster, and piss all over it.
I. Mangrey reviewing. It's (not) a living.
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