Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

 

Uncle Festering Speaks

January 16, 2026

Denmark has been one of America’s closest, most loyal and staunch allies in the whole world for some 225 years. You are probably aware that Dementia Trump is threatening to grab Denmark by the Greenland. They will not let him do it just because he's a star...or a whack-job. The rest of NATO is currently running military exercises in case Trump finally loses the plot completely and attempts to take Greenland for himself, even though100% of the Danes and the Greenlanders, and nearly 100% of Americans do not want this.

Offered without comment:

“I can’t rely on Denmark being able to fend themselves off.”
 Don Trump, January 14, 2026

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*As always, the full context does not make it any better. In fact, the context just as likely makes it even dumber and scarier. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*

Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.