The Worst And The Dimmest

We’re in a tight spot

January 13, 2026

S S Baby

As if the vetting process wasn’t lax enough already, the Department of Fatherland Security continues to lower standards for recruits in Trump’s Death Squads. ICE officials were surprised to learn that some recruits failed drug testing, have disqualifying criminal backgrounds or don’t meet physical or academic requirements for the job…you know, morons.

Nearly half the recruits failed the written exam, even with access to notes and textbooks. Speaking to Paying Attention™ on condition of stupidity, one newly minted ICEhole told us, “The guy said there would be a written part of the getting-in process, but he never said nothin’ ‘bout havin’ to read. I guess that’s what all them books and stuff was for. I thought I’d just have to tell the difference between a giraffe and an orange or something. You know, like the test president Trump always takes.” Well, we always knew Trump loves the poorly educated. Without them, he’s just a washed-up, nearly dead reality show host. That’s the only reality he knows.

Noem deputy explains the new recruiting guidelines: whiteness and purity of essence

Not only are they taking anything with a pulse and a white supremacist outlook on life, they have shortened the already clearly-failing training program from 13 to six weeks. Hell, the scumbag who murdered Renee Good was a 10-year veteran. One assumes the training now consists of how to pull a trigger with or without just cause, and how to tell brown people from white people – which has already resulted in repeated incidents of detaining this land’s original inhabitants because, you know, you either white or you ain’t, and we’ll just let God sort it out whether when we’re through with you. Because this is the land of the white and home of the…well, white.

Not only that too, the recruiting language and imagery are right out of the Nazi playbook. No surprise there. Actually, it’s a bit unfair to tie the recruitment and the entire enterprise to Nazis. There is more than a heaping helping of the KKK thrown in there to give it more of a homegrown, truly American flavor.

Leaked photo of ICE “training” session

Apparently, the ICE response to one of their thugs murdering an American citizen is to start shooting more people more often. A spokes “person” told reporters, “We want to assure the public that we will do what we can to avoid shooting any more white people to death. That is, unless they say mean things to us or attempt to drive, run or walk away while we are terrorizing their neighborhoods.”

It doesn’t matter whether you live in a red state, a blue state or a purple state. YOU ARE LIVING INCHES AWAY FROM A POLICE STATE.

I. Mangrey reporting.