Don Trump Also Actually Fucking Said This™*

 

Boatload Of Bullshit

January 18, 2026

As you may have noticed, very stable super genius Donald Cognitive Trump has his every wandering eye on any number “real estate deals” around the world. Since attacking Venezuela and kidnapping their president and declaring himself “acting president” of that country, he has threatened to intervene in Mexico because, he says, their president is not handling the drug cartels properly. He is now threatening Iran for doing exactly what he wants to do – killing protesters. Presumably, after taking uninvited action in these countries, Trump will then declare himself acting president, or perhaps acting Ayatollah.

Every great deal artist knows that there are two ways to acquire new properties – the easy way, or the hard way. At least that is what we’ve been hearing from Donald Dearest, particularly when it comes to Greenland, which Der Furor has voiced a desire to have and to hold for many years. Greenland is an autonomous territory within the Kingdom of Denmark, whose citizens want not a single fucking thing to do with Trump grabbing them by the minerals. They might even wish Trump would either shut the fuck up, or simply curl up and die. Which seems a bit rude, though to be fair the Trump Reich cannot even be trusted not to shoot its own peaceful, innocent citizens (even white ones now) to death in broad daylight with dozens of witnesses, many of whom are able to capture any state sponsored executions on video with a thing called “a phone”. You can probably see why the people of Greenland might be a tad nervous that a man who sees imaginary ballrooms, who also happens to command the world’s most powerful military, wants to have his way with them.

We were on friendly terms with both Greenland and Denmark right up until Donald lost control of his face sphincter and began yammering about the U.S. needing to own Greenland. In defense of his undeniably indefensible insistence on taking over Greenland because he wants to, the man whose tiny hands are notably larger than his microscopic brain actually fucking said this:

“I’m a fan of Denmark, but you know the fact that they had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land.”
                          Don Trump, January 12, 2026

Will you tell him or should I?

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*As always, the full context does not make it any better. In fact, the context just as likely makes it even dumber and scarier. Also, good chance this feature will be popping up constantly for at least the next four years. Sorry.

This has been another painful edition of Don Trump Actually Fucking Said This™*
Remember, it will get worse before it gets much worse.