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Of Mice and Rats

The Great White Wasteland
April 15, 2016

Our Long Republican’t Nightmare Is Finally Over

It went on much longer than anyone could have predicted, certainly longer than is compatible with intelligent life on Earth. A nightmarish caricature oozed down an escalator frightening children and adults alike. Donald Chrump came in like a liar and goes out like a scam. The Insult Candidate Dog will not be the Republican’t candidate. That should not stop him though. He should run as an independent – it won’t cost him anything. It’s not like he is using any of his own money to run. Sure he says he is self-funding. SURPRISE! That is a lie. You can tell it is a lie because Chrump said it in public. Talk about doing it on the cheap, his campaign headquarters is literally an old set from The Apprentice in Chrump Towers. Who cares if running a third party campaign is against the rules at this late stage? I am guessing that Chrump who said, “I don’t care about rules, folks…” might not. But how else will he be able to keep his latest reality show on the air for a few more months. Look for Chrumpy to incite a write-in campaign, which will do well. Just well enough to insure the Democratic candidate a crushing victory.

According to a recent AP poll Chrump has “unprecedented unpopularity…Americans of nearly every race, gender, political persuasion and location.” Over 60% of American voters say there is no way they would vote for him, including almost half of Republican’ts. Chrump is intensely unloved by men, women, the young, the less young, conservatives, moderates, liberals, white folks, black folks and Hispanics. Other than that he pretty much has the nomination wrapped up. Who can stand all this winning?

Palin kills boar, courts boor.

New York Post columnist and conservative…we’ll say stalwart Rich Lowry accused Chrump of being “the most fabulous whiner in the world”. Chrump responded, “Well I think he's probably right, I am the most fabulous whiner. I do whine, because I want to win. And I’m not happy if I’m not winning. And I am a whiner, and I'm a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.” This is a real quote. I heard it with my own ears.

On a related note, a protestor at a recent Chrump rally yelled out, “You’re an asshole.” Chrump without hesitation responded, “You got that right you jerk. I am an absolutely incredible asshole. I’m the most incredible asshole in this country, probably the world. Nobody is a bigger asshole than me. Nobody. Isn’t that right people. Tell this loser what an unbelievable asshole I am. Get the hell out of here. And take your tiny little asshole with you. Get him the hell out of here. Get him the hell out of here. And kick him in the balls.” This a differently real quote. I wrote it with my own hands. So it is true in the Chrumpiest sense.

The Sun is finally setting on America’s ridiculously bad hair day. You can get out of bed now.

Between a Schmuck and a Head Case

The cavalcade of crazies came clumsily careening onto the campaign trail and then one by one disappeared from view and faded from memory as the Quibbler from Queens chewed them up and spit them out as one would a Chrump Steak or some Chrump Wine or anything else sporting the Chrump brand that happened to end up in one’s mouth. We had spent far too much time on them anyway.

The contest has come down to Chrumpenstein, Count Cruzula and that other guy, a foolishly-more-reasonable-seeming (not so much really) never-was-gonna-be nebbish. But he sure knows his Old Testament: 

The two top dogs are a kind of a toss-up. As Linsey Graham said in January regarding the choice between Chrump and Cruz, “It’s like being shot or poisoned. What does it really matter?”

The Republican’t establishment continues to work feverishly to avoid either eventuality. They are so desperate that they are itching to bring Ayn Rand fan-boy, gym-rat, and self-imagined numbers-whiz Paul Ryan back to reprise his consummate losing performance as W. Mitt Romney’s running mate. At least I think that is why they are itching. Ryan spent weeks insisting there was no way he would want the job of House Speaker. He is currently Speaker of The House. Now he insists there is no way he would accept his party’s nomination for president. Do the math. My heart still belongs to J.E.B.

Our Long Republican’t Nightmare Is Only Just Beginning

There is no free lunch. It is said that when one door closes another opens up. The same could be said for our current situation with the demise of Don Chrump. With one exception. Neither of the doors in question opens up to anything palatable. The closing door should never have been opened. The opening door exposes a horror beyond comprehension. Members of his own team despise him as much as anyone. I think you know all too well of whom I speak. It is Cruz time. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And nauseous. Mostly nauseous.

In 2008, Texas Solicitor General Ted Cruz went to court to defend a law banning the sale of sex toys. According to Mother Jones, "The brief by Cruz's office compared the use of sex toys to 'hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy,' and it equated advertising these products with the commercial promotion of prostitution." But US Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit thought this argument was stupid. Cruz wanted to make sure he was the only dildo in the state of Texas.

His old college roommate weighs in again:



Peter King (R-NY), no liberal he, vigorously endorsed Cruz last week. King explained what he would do in the face of a Cruz nomination saying, “I tell you, I don’t know — I’ll get some cyanide. I don’t know what I’ll do. I mean, I’ll just — you know, not gonna tell you.”

Linsey Graham’s take on Ted? "If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you."

The Germans have a word for it.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                Mad in USA