Is This Really Happening?

Or Is It Just Me?

Everywhere and Nowhere
August 15, 2016

Hey, anyone remember Donald Chrump? The chameleon who only knows various shades of orange? He’s in all the papers and the internets. Every single one of them. Every damn day. Several times. Yeah, that guy. The guy who puts the tick in politic. Sucking the blood out of the body politic until he explodes from his gluttony and inability to know when to stop sucking.

You might have heard him suggest that maybe “Second Amendment people” might stop a president Hillary Clinton from appointing Supreme Court justices. He said he was joking and/or misunderstood. I think he misunderstood himself. You probably heard him call Barack Obama the “founder of ISIS”. Can he even hear himself? After repeating this nonsense over several days he said he was being sarcastic. Then some days later added, "So I said, the founder of ISIS. Obviously I’m being sarcastic. Then, then -- but not that sarcastic, to be honest with you."

What? Did I say something? I didn't say anything.

Many many days ago on May 5, 2016, after clinching the nomination Nacho Chrump tittered, “You’ve been hearing me say it’s a rigged system. But now I don’t say it anymore, because I won. Okay? It’s true. You know, now I don’t care. I don’t care.” Well guess what? He’s saying it again, because he’s losing. Bigly. Okay? It’s true. You know, now he cares. Suddenly he cares again. Sad.

MoreOn Chrump

“The only way we can lose, in my opinion – I really mean this, Pennsylvania is if cheating goes on and we have to call up law enforcement and we have to have the sheriffs and the police chiefs and everyone watching because if we get cheated out of this election, if we get cheated out of a win in Pennsylvania, which is such a vital state especially when I know what is happening here. She can’t beat what’s happening here. The only way they can beat it in my opinion, and I mean this 100 percent, if in certain sections of the state they cheat.” For those of you wisely not paying close attention, when the Arsenic-laced Cream Sickle says he means something 100%, that means he is totally kidding, unless you think what he said was serious in which case, for you he was totally serious, but still really kidding...but in a very serious way.

Chrump is ready to protect the vote in
“certain sections of the state” in Pennsylvania

Speaking of Pennsylvania

Out of the Keystone state comes irrefutable proof that global warming is 100 percent real, and I really mean this in a completely real way. Temperatures there have been in the high 90s for over a week. Seeing as every winter they kick and scream about how global warming is a hoax because it is cold, I’m shocked that we haven’t seen Republicant’s wailing about how the end of days is surely upon us since all of this extremely hot weather clearly means the Earth will burst into flames any minute now.

James Inhofe (R-O(c)K(s in his head), Chairman of the Senate Environment
Committee says climate change is a hoax because he found a snowball in February

In Other News…

I finally figured something out. The stuff on Chrump’s head is not hair, it is optical fiber. That is how he is able to change the color so easily. Okay, so I’m a little slow. Maybe it would make it easier to find out what is going on in the world if they would use fiber optics for transmitting information instead of wasting this amazing technology on changing the hair coloring of “billionaires”.

The candidate spotted before tuning in his “hair”

Something else we know…

Donald Chrump does not know the meaning of the words: founder, sarcastic, joking, making, religious, America, honest, great, voting, again, democracy, wall, sacrifice, nuclear weapons, university, steaks, hair, many people, winning, Second Amendment, cheating. Chrump may have the best words, but he does not know the meaning of any of them. More important, he does not care. Not one whit, or in his case, not one half-whit. He just wants to make sounds come out of his face sphincter so the cameras will continue to point at him and people keep talking about him.

Tune in next time when Chrump talks about using nuclear weapons to win the election and threatens to have his people arrest anyone not voting for him because "voting for Hillary Clinton is cheating and may actually be against the law. I've heard many people saying that this is true. Many people. I would never say it. I'm too busy acting presidential."

I. Mangrey repairing. This hurts me more than it hurts you.