Debase Prep

When Chrumps Fly

Hempstead, NY
September 19, 2016

Most presidential candidates, with the self-proclaimed exception of pathological liar Don Chrump, prepare vigorously before the typically few debates leading up to a presidential election. Camp Chrump insists that their candidate, whose sole qualification for being president is (allegedly) having a pulse, though he has also told us he has “a very good brain” and “the best words” (neither claim has ever been demonstrated let alone proven) doesn’t need to prepare. By the way, did he mention that he’s really rich?* Hillary Clinton, whose only qualifications include being first lady, New York senator and Secretary of State, readily admits to having a team of advisors and performing mock debates as she prepares to get into the verbal ring with the most unpredictable, unstable and unqualified candidate for president since the Youth International Party - the Yippies - ran Pigasus the Pig for president in 1968. Just to be clear, Pigasus was more political theater than serious candidate. What the hell is Don Chrump?

Rumor has it that Hillary is doing debate prep with a Chrump surrogate who is not just the typical stand-in, but a Chrump impersonator dressed as a clown. According to Clinton, “I wanted to get someone in there who most closely replicates what I’m up against. Sure I have advisors and coaches, but I want to practice standing up there in debate mode hearing and seeing the kinds of things I expect from a verbal sparring partner who really encompasses the essence of my actual opponent. I needed to find someone with the same degree of gravitas as the real Chrump. I have been doing everthing that I can to wear myself down, incapacitate my mental capabilities and memory in order to not take undue advantake of Don or frighten the majority of Americans who are scared of big words, carefully explained policy and women. Is it possible that his “hair” has sucked out most of his brain as well as those who find him appealing? Whatever the reason, deplorable is as deplorable does. Mr. Chrump called my factually quite accurate description of a large segment of his supporters “the worst mistake of the political season”, which seems a bit strange coming from the man who inarguably is himself the worst mistake of this or any other political season, not to mention the fact that he is a basket of deplorable all by himself.”

Chrumpo the Deplorable Clown

 

Chrump is continually whining that the debates are rigged. And I believe him. why shouldn’t I? Presidential debates favor individuals who can think, speak in coherent sentences about a particular subject, have some greater-than-a-five-year-old’s grasp of anything vaguely resembling reality and have something substantial to offer the electorate besides bullying, bluster and bullshit. Don’s latest gripe is that the moderator of the first debate, Lester Holt is a Democrat. Obviously there’s no way anyone can be objective when dealing with Chrump, not the media, not his opponents, not the Republican’t party he represents, not Mexican-American judges, not debate moderators who are registered Democrats, not anyone he has not paid off. Hell, his own daughter won’t even date him. You will not be surprised in the least to learn that Holt has been a registered Republican’t since 2003. I eagerly await Mr. Chrump standing up for his opponent to be treated fairly during this clearly rigged debate.

*Yes he did…repeatedly.

Where Assholes (Never) Fear to Tread

Chrump bravely appeared on Bill O’Reilly’s show the other night prepared for whatever hard-hitting questions another of America’s quintessential lying liars might throw at him, or perhaps use to cuddle closer.

The Mouth that Whored and Pouty McFuckface

 

During the interview O’Reilly brought up Hillary’s ISIS strategy and her assertion (shared by many in the intelligence and military communities) that Chrump is already global disaster and a great recruiting tool for the terrorist group. In response Chrump, rather than lie about the question just posed, instead lied about an unrelated topic – his temperament. It’s not like he had a choice. His brain was busy wondering how his “hair” looked while his face-sphincter was busy pinching off a few more words.

CHRUMP: They’re talking about – my strongest thing is my temperament. And they talk about my temperament. They put ten things on a board and they said, “Oh, let’s go after him for temperament.” It’s my strongest thing according to the people who know me best. I won’t even say it myself. I think, maybe, even if I was going to say it, my temperament is the best. I know how to win. 

O'REILLY: But I want a little more definition. When you say my strongest suit is my temperament, what does that mean to you?

CHRUMP: Well, I know how to win. I know how to win. I’ve been winning. I do win, even in sports. I win. We don’t win. Our country doesn’t win.

Please tell me I am hallucinating all of this. Please. That you can tell me. For now all can do is call it what it is: Bull-chrump.

One last thing:

Regarding Hillary Clinton’s health, if Hillary was on the verge of a coma and had half of her brain eaten away by space bugs she would still be an infinitely more viable, coherent and capable candidate for president than the hysterical, fiber-covered pile of artificially flavored orange Jell-O that passes for a worthy opponent. And please, let us not forget that though unelected for four years and purported to be in peak physical (and what for him passed for intellectual) condition, George W. Bush once occupied the White House and was almost killed by a pretzel before defeating the wheat-based foe and going on to destroy the American economy and whatever façade of sanity held sway over the Middle East.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA