The Home Kvetch

When is the Mean Man Going To Stop Yelling At Me?

September 10, 2016

Professional pundits would have us believe that the day after Labor Day is the real, practical start of the presidential campaign. This is the day that political pundits refer to as The Home Stretch of the just-shy-of-infinitely-long presidential campaign season(s). The final days of the 2016 election, when those who have not been paying attention to the race thus far are now ready to tune in. Now they tell me. This time around they are perhaps the final days of democracy, or as Chrump’s advisor on religious issues and foreign policy Michele Bachmann puts it, “I don't want to be melodramatic but I do want to be truthful. I believe without a shadow of a doubt this is the last election. This is it. This is the last election.” Now she tells me.

Kim Jung Orange

I have a very good brain.
Believe me. 100%. Build the wall.

As the campaign whines down Chrump is struggling with all minority voters. With one exception. He is winning with the Russians – I don’t know about Russian Americans – but actual Russians love him. During the recent ‘Commander in Chief’ forum Chrump again professed his admiration for Vladimir Putin, explaining that Putin “has an 82% approval rating according to the different pollsters…I think that when he calls me brilliant [he actually did not] I’ll take the compliment. Okay? If he says great things about me I’m gonna say great things about him.” I guess if that’s what Chrump calls presidential then that’s what I call presidential.

Chrump’s anti-gay, ant-choice, anti-climate change, anti-evolution, Koch-sucking running mate has drunk the Chrump Tea and publicly said “I think that it has been inarguable that Vladimir Putin a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country.” Here is one Russian’s response:

I believe Kasparov calls this checkmate.

So now the Republican’t party has become the Putin lovin’ party. Even George Orwell would find this hard to believe.

Chrump is also fond of leaders in North Korea (he’s impressed by the young Un’s powerful leadership at such a tender age) and China (he loves the strength they showed in putting down the 1989 democratic protests at Tiananmen Square). North Korea and China are also big Chrump fans as is the Ku Klux Klan and most other hate groups the world over. ISIS sees Chrump as the perfect recruiting tool whereas we see him as simply a perfect tool.

Don’t It Make My Red States Blue

As push sidles ever closer to shove and up continues to resemble down, red states can be observed holding their breath in a desperate attempt to elude the vile stench that is Chrump, and they appear to be turning blue. Georgia, Arizona, Missouri and Texas are just a few starting to look blue-ish. The Dallas Morning Star, after what the editorial page editor called “a very deliberate and carefully constructed decision,” featured an article entitled, “We recommend Hillary Clinton for president.” The Star last endorsed a Democrat before World War II. I found myself uncontrollably amused by this section: 

The [Republican] party's over-reliance on government and regulation to remedy the country's ills is at odds with our belief in private-sector ingenuity and innovation. Our values are more about individual liberty, free markets and a strong national defense. 

While I couldn’t be happier to think that Texas will dump Chrump, I must parse this ever so briefly: 

Private-sector ingenuity and innovation – I assume this refers to innovations like for-profit schools, hospitals and prisons, union-busting, outsourcing and economy-wrecking sub-prime mortgages and credit default swaps – very ingenious 

Individual liberty – as long as you're not a woman, LGBTQ...or a black person trying to vote

Free markets – meaning corporations (many of which are propped up by tax dollars, i.e., welfare) are free to do whatever they want including flouting regulations, election tampering, tax evasion, murder and environmental destruction...wheeeeee it's free 

Strong national defense – yeah, like September 11, 2001 and the subsequent illegal invasion of Iraq for no reason, and everything that's going so well in the Middle East since we nationally defended our selves...I mean our oil companies…and Dick Cheney’s retirement fund via Halliburton 

Go Longhorns! 

That Time Chrump Made Sense

After Chrump was for the Iraq war and not long after he decided he was against it, he told the New York Times of Hillary Clinton’s vote, “Don’t forget that decision was based on lies given to her. She’s very smart and has a major chance to be our next president.”

THIS JUST IN…

It was disclosed that the self-professed (yet not borne out by any facts whatsoever) Don Chrump skimmed money from his “charitable foundation” to buy among other things a six-foot tall painting of himself.

Notice that Chrump had the artist grossly exaggerate the size of his hands.

Chrump spent $20,000 of money donated by other people and earmarked for charitable purposes to buy this stunning tribute to the one he loves and admires more than even Vladimir Putin himself.

I. Mangrey reporting. Please don't take this personally. 
                                                                                                                         Mad in USA