A Total Eclipse of Humanity

The Darkest Moments Are Still Ahead

August 22, 2017

I have hate to harp on this, but the Chrump train keeps stopping at my station. And it’s not like it pulls up and stops in a civilized manner. It careens at unsafe speeds, rarely stays on the tracks and constantly runs people over, leaving screaming children, cursing adults and extensive property damage in its wake.

President Jack T. Ripper*, as part of his ongoing effort to protect his precious bodily fluids and despoil ours, had his host of wraiths do away with the federal advisory panel on climate assessment. Chrump is hell-bent on showing 97% of the scientific community and a huge swath of the global population that the climate does not exist and Earth is nothing more than a place for a pseudo-rich asshole to build decadent, classless hotels and golf courses…with Russian money.

Speaking of what remains of the environment, many people are saying that there was a total eclipse of the Sun this week. Our joke president spent a rare moment outdoors not golfing to join with the hoi polloi in experiencing the celestial event. Unlike most people, Chrump immediately looked at the Sun with his naked eyes and his very small, rapidly deteriorating brain.

In the picture above Chrump seemed astonished to discover that there was a giant ball of light in the sky. “Hey, look up there. Look what I found! This is amazing. I bet no one knew that thing was up there. This is a sign of what a great job I’m doing. Look, it’s orange like me. I’m calling it the Great Ball of Chrump. No other president has ever had anything like this before. Obama never had one of these. I’m making the sky great again.” As Chrump was preparing to look directly at the eclipsing Sun (see below), an aide shouted, “Don’t look!” But, the permanently mentally-eclipsed Chrump looked right at the Sun. Apparently, spray tan does not make you smarter.

As the Moon made its way across the Sun blocking out its light in the middle of the afternoon, Chrump cowered, blubbering on his tiny hands and knees. “l told you this environment thing is just a hoax. I’ve always said that. Now we’re all gonna die. This is not my fault. Damn you Obama.”

Tune in next time when we learn that Chrump, in an effort to bake in his “tan” had a wall of spent nuclear fuel rods installed in the Oval Office. Not that he spends much time there, but he wants to leave his mark on Washington.

I. Mangrey reporting.

________________________
*If you have not seen Dr. Strangelove lately, or at all, check it out. Truly a movie for our times.