Paying Attention: Not Dicking Around

Holiday Greetings From Everyone at Paying Attention

One Less Dick Never Hurt Anyone

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
August 7, 2017

Hello loyal readers. It’s me, Ed Venture. As managing editor here at Paying Attention, it is my job at this time of year to remind you of our obsession with Richard Milhous Nixon and to keep the Resignation Day(s) tradition alive. As most of you are probably unaware, today is Erev Resignation Day(s) (or Resignation Day(s) Eve, depending on how you roll). On the evening of August 8, 1974, crook, felon, anti-Semite, Liberal-hating, secret-bomber, paranoiac, all-around uncommitted mental patient and then-president Richard M. Nixon, resigned after serving half of his second term in the People's House in order to avoid a term in the Big House. Today we have a new mental patient playing in the presidential sandbox. You may have heard about this already. I won’t go into all that right now. The more things change, the more they stay the strange. Anyway, Resignation Day(s) is one of my favorite American holidays. A great day for democracy and as close as we get to a great day for justice in this country. I snagged a photo of I. Mangrey sporting one of his prized t-shirts to commemorate this festive time of year. He and it are a bit wrinkled, but the message is timeless.

I. Mangrey in his Resignation Day(s) finery

"I have never been a quitter," began Nixon during prime time on August 8, 1974, "To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body…Therefore, I shall resign the Presidency effective at noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President at that hour in this office." Gerald Ford, Nixon’s hand-picked pardoner/successor took the oaf of office on August 9, 1974 capping off America’s only two-day national holiday. I still remember it well, to the best of my recollection.

And so I offer you this special phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two; and though it's been said, many times, many ways - Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Day, Happy Resignation Dayyyy to you.
Wishing you and yours all the best during this brief, fun-filled 42^nd anniversary of the finally-not-having-Dick-Nixon-to-kick-around-anymore holiday season.

Ed Venture

In 2006 I stumbled across a bit of this very old, well-know verse that I thought would be fun to share with everyone at this special time of year. It’s an age-old seasonal ditty and this being the eve of my favorite American holiday and all. I’m not sure I remembered all of the words correctly but I’ve rendered them to the best of my recollection, though I may have been overzealous and inadvertently added a few verses that didn’t exist at all. But, it’s full of holiday magic and joy – a favorite of children and adults throughout the ages, so read it to your children and grandchildren to keep this great American tradition alive. Now without further ado, in honor of August 8-9, 1974, a moment in history, which our Founders would surely have savoured, I bring you…

Twas the night before Resignation

Twas the night before Resignation, when all through the house
Richard Nixon was cornered, like a trapped diseased mouse.
His burglars had screwed it tho they burgled with care,
His cover-up in ruins, soon the end would be there.

The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of impeachment danced in their heads.
Sam Irvin with his gavel, exposed all the crap,
And roused our democracy from a long winter’s nap.

So all o’er the land there arose such a clatter,
Even the public could see what was the matter.
And there it was every day on TV like a flash,
Then everyone knew the president was trash.

It was hard to imagine this crook being regal
Tho he said, “If the president does it then it is not illegal.”
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But his lies all exposed and the end of his career.

A great day for democracy, it happened so quick,
What could be worse than that horrid old Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And all those were sentenced and each one by name!

"Now Haldeman! now, Erlichman! now, Mitchell and Dean!
On, Colson! On, Liddy!, oh my what a scene!
They all came a tumbling from the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

‘Tis the eve of impeachment –Oh please just once more
So much fun to be had, who knows what’s in store,
This appointed dry-drunk liar with his head up his butt.
Must be ripped from the Peoples’ House and his prison door shut.

Yes we did it one time not so long ago
Said it couldn’t be done, well how could we know.
Who knows what can happen when clear thinking rules,
Maybe we can get rid of this new batch of fools.

A long train of abuses and usurpations once again stains us all,
By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Despot must fall.
Again let’s take back our nation from thieves,
Then lock them away and dispose of the keys.

It’s that time of the season, to excise George the king,
The land of the free and that sort of thing.
And I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,
More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!

Thanks Ed. That was a treat as always. I hope you don’t mind if I add a verse or two for 2015…

Once more it’s that season, and Obama’s still here
Watching those who’d replace him lurch into gear.
They’re angry and senseless, they screech and they bite

No need for good reason, they just like to fight.

Now Christie! Cruz, Kasich! Paul, Bush, Carson, Trump!
On, Rubio! On Walker! On, Huckabee! A great bunch of chumps!
They all come a tumbling from the zany clown car!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please dash away far!

So let’s watch in amusement, as they trip o’er their tongues

As they sputter and spew and expel from their lungs,

All the hot air and spittle, all the BS and blight,
For the chance to meet Clinton or Sanders for the big fight!

I enjoyed your addition for 2015 I. And what a year it has been since last Resignation Day(s). Bernie made quite a splash and Chrump took out all the trash. It was truly a campaign to remember, now it’s on to November. So I will see your 2015 verses and raise you a few for 2016 (with reverence and apologies to Ogden Nash)…

Ed Venture
Managing Editor, Paying Attention

Once more it’s that season, Obama time’s near done
Each party’s wild primaries have narrowed to one.
Bernie lost to Hillary, but inspired revolution

Chrump bested all Republican’ts, and might end evolution.

Now East Coast, now West Coast, now swing states, Midwest!
Oh, Donald you suck it, tho you say you’re the best!
I never liked Clinton but I hope Chrump gets schlonged!
And goes back to his mirror, where’s he’s always belonged!

Let him talk, let him squawk, it’s politically suicidal,

Keep making voters nauseous, ere November’s decidal.

Keep insulting, and frothing, and hating, and screaming…
All the stuff of which anti-Chrumpers, tho pained are all dreaming!

Tiny hands, tiny brain, tiny what-the-fuck-ever,
You will lose very bigly and be president…NEVER
Go prepare your next bankruptcy, it’s what you do best
You whiny Tweet-aholic, and sanity’s pest

If I never see your hair-thing or hear your voice again,
I know I will not miss your face, but I’ll feel much less pain
Go away oh Orange Putz, away and out of sight
Close your pie-hole, hide yourself, for once do what’s right.
__________________________

I. Mangrey here.

Well, that certainly did not work out the way most of the country – and the world – had hoped. Now we are ensconced in the most bizarre, incompetent, chaotic shitshow of an administration since Caligula. Unlike Chrump, Caligula is described as a noble and moderate ruler during the first six months of his reign. After that he ramped up the cruelty, sadism, extravagance, and sexual perversity, and is remembered as an insane tyrant. Der Furor wasted no time, in fact getting a head start, with his Caligula-like behavior. One can only wonder with paralyzing dread what the (hopefully short) remainder of Chrump’s tenure will visit upon us all. I suppose I need to have one more go at updating this venerable old verse for 2017 while I can still think straight…

Impeachment in the air, now Chrump makes us sick
It seems he might kill us, get rid of him QUICK!
He’s angry and clueless, he tweets from his toilet,
The craziest nonsense. Our country, he’ll spoil it.

Now Jared! Ivanka, Pence, Sessions and Chrump!
On, Conway! On Bannon! Such miserable chumps!
They lie, they collude, they love Russia not us!
Now dash away! Dash away! Please leave in a huff!

Robert Mueller, grand jury – Oh please stop this lout
Get the dirt, make it public, then throw the bum out
Waste not one more moment, excise Donald Chrump,
And air out the White House, which he called “a Dump”.

The endless lies and insanity assaulting us all,

By Constitution, our right and our duty - this Chrump thing must fall.

So I say to you all, Power To The People, Out Of Sight,

More Impeachment to all, and to all a good-night!