The never-promised Rose Garden
August 12, 2017
August 12, 2017
In a hastily called address in the Rose Garden, Chrump
announced, “I have big news. This might be the biggest news in the history of
non-fake news. This I can tell you. I have it on good authority – and I know
the best, smartest people – I can now announce the sky is not blue. This whole
blue sky stuff is just fake science.”
Face redder than usual, “hair” sprayed into an impenetrable
solid, and gasping for air every two or three words, he added, “I am tired of
hearing so many people obsessed with the hoax that the sky is blue. I know blue
when I see it and I’m not seeing it. All these scientists, what do they know? I
know more than all the scientists. My dad studied science. I didn’t have to. Very
good genes in this pretty head of mine. I know how to make great deals. Just
the other day I made a great deal with Russia, Poland and Mexico. And the
president of Canada took out a full-page ad saying what a great deal it was. I
can’t tell you anything about the deal, but you can trust me. Believe me. Great
deal. Your grandchildren will be talking about this deal. I can’t even believe
what a great deal this is, and I wrote The Art of The Deal*, so I should know.
And I know exactly what color the sky is and it’s not blue. That I can tell
you. That...I can tell you. I will now be taking questions. You in the fake
media are welcome ask me anything, but I will not be answering. I will only be
taking questions. I will go and think them over when I have some free time.
Presidents are very busy. Very busy. I am doing so many amazing things. You
have no idea. Maybe you should be looking into Hillary Clinton’s missing
emails. She is not busy at all, since she lost the election. Bigly. Very Bigly.
Did you even see that map. It was really, really red. Greatest election ever.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your president of the Untied States. Let me
know how that all works out. I’m going with Rent-A-Coma.
This might be a good time for Chrump to start drinking.
I. Mangrey reporting. May the Farce be with you.
___________________
*He
did not write The Art of The Deal – probably never read it either.
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