New Meat

Another Day, Another Departure

McChrumpy’s White House
March 7, 2018

Donald Chrump goes through rich white meat puppets faster than he goes through wives, mistresses and cans of hair spray. One thing Hair Chrump truly is better at than anyone ever to “work” in the Oval Office, is losing or firing or having someone else fire people at the highest levels of his administration. Chrump is also a master of ignoring the advice of anyone and everyone who knows more than he does. He prefers to follow his gut, which is one of the most toxic environments in the galaxy, and undoubtedly means he is acting out of anger and colossal ignorance. The latest example being his hastily concocted tariff debacle. In truth, not so much concocted as spat out in a fit of pique, after briefly pulling his head and then some random numbers out of his ass.

The Very Hungry Prezident interviews a new advisorburger

On the heels of the West Wing departure du jour, Chrump is rumored to be looking at two cheeseburgers to replace the latest escapee from the Titanic of ships-of-state. The two cheeseburgers, both with the works, are expected to replace Gary Cohn as Chrump’s new chief economic advisor. Cohn, who essentially spent his entire post-college career with Goldman Sucks before almost drowning in Chrump’s Swamp, was said to be on his fourth last straw after Der Furor ignored Cohn’s advice and assaulted the world with his unhinged new trade tariff tantrum. When asked if there would be fries with the new economic guru, White House spokescreature Harrah Suckabee Handers simply screamed “fake news” and left the podium. Several people with firsthand knowledge said fries would be involved, adding, “Either way, no one expects any of them to last very long, and many of us are very worried about who his next replacement might be. I mean we’ve already had things like Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, every cabinet member, Jared, Ivanka, Kellyanne Conway, Omarosa, Hope Hicks, etc. If you ask me, cheeseburgers are a serious step in the right direction, but still problematic.”

The Cheeseburger-in-chief claimed, “Many, many people want every single job…They all want a piece of that Oval Office, they want a piece of the West Wing.”* That is why everyone is leaving. They cannot stand the pressure of all the great people breathing down their necks to get their hands on their jobs. The Babbling Crook added, “So many people want to come in. I can have anybody.”*

“While it might be fair to say I’ve never met a cheeseburger I didn’t like, these are the best cheeseburgers I’ve ever met. That I can tell you. I’ve known these guys for many years. They are very smart and very loyal. I could have had anybody or any cheeseburger, but I’m going with these guys. They know more than almost anyone in my administration. I have spoken to them longly and I’m convinced that they will be the best economic advisors of all time. Believe me.”

Dangerous cornered animal discovered in West Wing

 

People are saying that Chrump is coming unglued. My question is – when the hell was he ever glued? Other than whatever holds his “hair” under control.

I. Mangrey retorting.

*actual quote