March 1, 2018
The bravest five-deferral-draft-dodger this side of Dick
“Five Deferrals” Cheney once again bared his brain spurs in public. At least we
know Cheney has the guts to shoot his friend right in the face. Sure, he was
dead drunk at the time, and hunting for crippled birds, but at least he knows
how to handle a firearm. This time Chrump was performing at a meeting of the National
Governors Association. Chrump brushed off possible interference by the NRA for
his purported morphing into someone who is willing to look into gun control
measures. This kind of behavior is known in Republican’t circles as coming for
all the guns and/or taking away the Second Amendment.
clearly, two heads are not always better than one…or none
Chicken Big also bravely displayed his fake courage, in the safe,
bone spur-friendly confines of the White House, surrounded by Secret Service.
Delusional as always, the Coward-in-chief crowed, "You don't know until
you're tested, but I think I really believe I'd run in there even if I didn't
have a weapon…" Spoken like a man who has never been within ten miles of
being tested. Chrump went on to demonstrate exactly how he would take down a
crazed gunman wielding a military-style weapon and bent on mass murder:
“Even without a weapon, I would have charged right in to
that school and taken control of the situation – even if I didn’t have
bullet-proof “hair”. It might not work for everyone, but believe me, my very
big hands would protect me and anyone behind me. Don’t even worry about it. I
was raised in a hail of bullets and other shooting activities. I actually don’t
feel safe unless the bullets are flying. Bing, bing, bong, bong bing, bing,
bing. In fact, if I saw a burning building full of kids, as long as they
weren’t my kids – except for Ivanka – I would run right in there even if I
wasn’t wearing any clothes. I mean, who wouldn’t? Am I right? Everyone who
knows me knows I can handle myself in any situation; believe me. Believe me. Many
people don’t know this, but I demanded that my Secret Service detail be
relieved of duty because I can protect myself. I don’t need a bunch of guys
with guns following me everywhere. All I need is a gun in my boot, and someone
to help me bend down to get it when things get dicey.” My guess is that Donny, after having changed his
diaper in response to the very sound of gunfire, would immediately soiled himself
again.
The Bravest Coward Ever
Der Furor cannot stand the sight of blood. In 2008 he told
Howard Stern this story about an event at Mor-on Lago:
“So what happens is, this guy falls off right on his face,
hits his head, and I thought he died. And you know what I did? I said, ‘Oh my
God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away,” said Trump. “I couldn’t, you know,
he was right in front of me and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him… he’s
bleeding all over the place, I felt terrible. You know, beautiful marble floor,
didn’t look so good. It changed color. Became very red…I was
saying, ‘Get that blood cleaned up! It’s disgusting!’ The next day, I forgot to
call to say was he okay. It’s just not my thing.”*
Just an all-around great guy, that Chrump. He is also afraid
of stairs, germs, being poisoned by not eating fast food, non-aerosol
hairspray, Hillary Clinton and anything vaguely resembling the truth.
Nonetheless, he claims he would bravely run hair-long into a firefight armed
with nothing but his giant, over-inflated ego. Oh, and bald eagles hate him.
via GIPHY
Chrump derided those on the scene who apparently did not act
to take out the shooter the way he would have (in his fevered mind). He told
the governors, “They really weren't exactly Medal of Honor winners.”* I imagine
he added, “I know what it’s like to be brave. Remember, I was given a Purple
Heart while I was running for president. As you know, it was extremely brave of
me to run for president, probably one of the bravest things any American has
ever done, but that’s just the way I am. Everybody knows that. Everybody. Just
ask Ivanka.”
Der Furor finished his delusional harangue with, “So just in
concluding, we have tremendous things happening. The country is doing well, and
then we have a setback like this that’s so heart-wrenching. It’s so
heart-wrenching. And we have to clean it up. We have to straighten it out. You
know, it’s wonderful we’re setting records on the economy. We’re setting
records.”* Yes, it surely was a real setback for 17 innocent people and
their family and friends, but mostly for Donald J. Chrump. I am sure you feel
as bad for him as I do. He continued on and on about what a great job he is
doing, as always showing incredible empathy…for himself.
I. Mangrey responding.
*actual
quote…seriously
POP QUIZ
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you know these men?
Special Bonus Track
Marching in DC.
ReplyDeleteOne of the students murdered was the daughter/niece/cousin of old friends. We know several people who have kids there now or had graduated from there. Blows my mind.