July 7, 2018
Russian president of the United States Don Chrump is poised
to set American jurisprudence back decades if not centuries. The man who lost the popular vote by a wide
margin, who is under investigation for treason and obstruction of justice (at
the very least), a man who had a tiny crowd at his inauguration, tiny hands, a
tiny, very bad brain, the worst words and a practical joke posing as “hair”,
appears on the verge of appointing his second Supreme Court justice. Like everything else for Hair Chrump, it is
all about show. He teased his upcoming
announcement last week in a predictable effort to juice the ratings. Chrump thinks everything is simply reality TV,
so get ready for his latest installment of idiocy…
Who will be chosen to drag the
Supreme Court into the abyss?
Paying Attention, consistently on the cutting edge of
alternative facts, fake news and making shit up, because that is the order of
the day in Chrump’s America, has obtained the shit short list for
potential SCOTUS nominees. Our fearless,
relentless, perpetually nauseated new intern, Willie Nilly has dug deeper than
ever for this incredible scoop of poop. The
document was found torn to pieces on the White House lawn, and painstakingly
reconstructed by our bored and desperate young reporter. In Chrumpworld, as everyone is painfully
aware, qualifications for any given position disqualify those under
consideration. With this in mind, there
will be no surprise at the following list.
Alex Jones – I love Alex, he’s loud, a total nut-job, and a
great conspiracy theorist. Jones’ rabid
hatred meshes well with my very smart, super-elite, fact-averse base. He knows nothing about the law, and will
definitely help drain the bench.
Sean Hannity – my most trusted advisor and always says nice things about me, he can finally get Fux News a seat at the bench, and actually fabricate their own news. The best part is, he can still have his show. Nothing in the failing Constitution says a judge can’t be on television.
Pat Robertson – anti-gay, anti-choice, anti-rational-thought, anti-democracy, could not be a better fit for my new Court. And he’ll make me look young.
Fredrick Douglass – the blacks will love me even more, Fred “is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.”
Antonin Scalia – being dead is no obstacle for my court – Constitution says nothing about being alive; Scalia was great and he can still be great again.
Alan Dershowitz – None of his rich friends – not as rich as me – will talk to him anymore, but all that ass-kissing might finally pay off, sure he’s a Jew, but some of my best in-laws are Jews, they’re very smart, though not a rich as me, and they’re not president and I am.
Sean Hannity – my most trusted advisor and always says nice things about me, he can finally get Fux News a seat at the bench, and actually fabricate their own news. The best part is, he can still have his show. Nothing in the failing Constitution says a judge can’t be on television.
Pat Robertson – anti-gay, anti-choice, anti-rational-thought, anti-democracy, could not be a better fit for my new Court. And he’ll make me look young.
Fredrick Douglass – the blacks will love me even more, Fred “is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.”
Antonin Scalia – being dead is no obstacle for my court – Constitution says nothing about being alive; Scalia was great and he can still be great again.
Alan Dershowitz – None of his rich friends – not as rich as me – will talk to him anymore, but all that ass-kissing might finally pay off, sure he’s a Jew, but some of my best in-laws are Jews, they’re very smart, though not a rich as me, and they’re not president and I am.
Jared Kushner – Mr. Ivanka doesn’t have enough fake projects
to not work on, but he would be able to serve longer than any previous SC
justice, and have less value than Clarence Thomas. He knows absolutely nothing about the law so
he’s perfect for the job.
Ivanka – if she wasn’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her, but at least she would have a job after her co-dependency-presidency (presumably) ends, plus – how hot would she look in one of those robes, especially if it had “I really don’t care do u? on the back.
Natalia Veselnitskaya – Russian lawyer who offered “dirt on Hillary” at the Chrump Tower meeting (that never happened by the way – NO COLLUSION) before the election, while working for Putin, no rule about Russians on the Court.
Roseanne Barr – loud mouthed, ignorant, mentally ill, loves Chrump, you got a problem with that?
Ivanka – if she wasn’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her, but at least she would have a job after her co-dependency-presidency (presumably) ends, plus – how hot would she look in one of those robes, especially if it had “I really don’t care do u? on the back.
Natalia Veselnitskaya – Russian lawyer who offered “dirt on Hillary” at the Chrump Tower meeting (that never happened by the way – NO COLLUSION) before the election, while working for Putin, no rule about Russians on the Court.
Roseanne Barr – loud mouthed, ignorant, mentally ill, loves Chrump, you got a problem with that?
Hillary Clinton – totally kidding, she has a law degree, what
a loser, lock her up.
Donald Chrump – very stable genius, Chrump knows more about the law than any judge you ever saw, plus I can easily run my business, the country, and the Court at the same time, not complicated, I have a very good brain.
Donald Chrump – very stable genius, Chrump knows more about the law than any judge you ever saw, plus I can easily run my business, the country, and the Court at the same time, not complicated, I have a very good brain.
Only time, a few Republican’t-in-Democrat’s-clothing
senators, and the ever hapless Susan Collins will tell who will get the coveted
robe.
I. Magrey with Willie Nilly reporting. Fuguck Chrump!
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