No Laughing Matter

I Don’t See Any Reason Why We Should (or Shouldn’t) Be

July 23, 2018

First, a correction: In my last post, I wrote that Donald Chrump was a “moronic narcissist who cares nothing for America, knows nothing of history, economics, law, the Constitution, the names of all his children or where his own father was born.  After reading the transcripts, it came to my attention that I should have said not wouldn’t.  It’s kind of double negative, and a triple positive slathered in adverbs.

From the now-repentant author
of Chrump’s The Art of The Deal

Out of The Mouths of Boobs

Sometimes he would, then again he says he wouldn’t.  He is such a big-hearted man that he can even sympathize with Nazis and white supremacists.  Some people are saying that he only said this to shore up his base – which is full of Nazis and white supremacists.  Other people are saying he said this because he is an autocratic racist.  And, to be fair, his Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen – who still has not gotten the memo saying unequivocally that Russia, per Putin’s instructions, meddled in our election, which her boss got two weeks before being inaugurated – recently said, “I think what’s important about that conversation [about the alt-right march in Charlottesville] is, it’s not that one side is right and one side is wrong.”  Yeah, Nazis are people too, some of them very fine, I hear.  Aren’t they?  Check F*$#book for the answer.  Anyway, it was very gracious of Nielsen to take time away from kidnapping, imprisoning, drugging and torturing innocent children, to do an interview.  If only she had not made horrifyingly stupid words come out of her mouth; but, I guess you have to go with your strengths.  It's all about the base...

Randy Rainbow sings it like it is

Speaking of going with your strengths, there are reports of a growing comaraderie between white supremacists and Russians.  The Christian Right is also enamored of Putin.  Franklin Graham – son of famous anti-Semite Billy Graham – has met with Putin and found him simpatico.  So it is not Chrump’s fault, how could he be expected to resist a group of such very fine people.  I wish him well…I mean wouldn’t.

But Wait, There’s More

It also turns out that your good friends at the NRA have been colluding with Russia for years.  Long before El Chrumpo entered the presidential picture, there existed a long running plot involving Russia and American officials and representatives to the NRA.   According to Sarah Kendzior, an expert on authoritarian states, “They were absolutely willing to sacrifice American sovereignty, to jeopardize American national security for their own aims. One more final point is people need to be looking at the money. They need to be looking at the donations that the NRA was giving to the Republicans.”   Do any of these idiots know that personal weapons are completely illegal in Russia?  Republican’ts: making America great, by golly …or failing that, Russian.
Chrump, speaking to a crowd of workers and CEOs invited to the White House, was suddenly stunned after reading the word “apprenticeship” off his teleprompter.  He had never put together the fact that The Apprentice actually referred to, you know, apprentices.  Unaccustomed as he is to public thinking, the Child-in-chief told his audience, “That’s an interesting word for me to be saying, right? The Apprentice.  I never actually put that together until just now.”  Good to know, chief.  But, that begs the question, exactly what have you put together over the past 20 years?

Alas, poor excuse for a man, what did we ever do to you?

A recent poll found that 77 percent of Chrump voters think he should remain in office even if it is proven that he colluded with Russia’s attack on our election that helped him “win” the prezidency; only 14 percent said this would be grounds for removal; that leaves 9 percent that are even more braindead than the other 77 percent.  Chrump currently enjoys the support of 90 percent of Republican’ts who approve of the “job” he is “doing” as prezident.  This was surprising since only 80 percent of Republican’ts are Nazis, neo-Confederates and/or white supremacists.

What amazes me most about Hair Chrump, is he does it all with no laugh track.  That takes tiny little balls, and he’s got ‘em. 

If Chuck Berry rewrote Reelin’ and Rockin’ just before he died…

Sometimes he would, then again he says he wouldn’t
Sometimes he would, then again he says he wouldn’t
Sometimes he did, then again he says he didn't

Well I looked at my phone, it was Jan 21
We was at an inauguration, we was the only ones
And we rolled, reelin' and a rockin'
We was reelin' and a rockin'
Nauseous till the break of dawn

Well I looked at my phone, it was Jan 22
Just couldn’t believe that the president was you
And we rolled, reelin' and a rockin'
We was reelin' and a rockin'
Sicker as the days went on

Well I looked at my phone, it was Jan 23
Every time we looked ‘round you were all we could see
And we reelin', reelin' and a rockin'
We was reelin' and a rockin'
Wishin’ we’d a never been born

Well I looked at my phone, it was one year later
America sucked, it hadn’t got greater
And we reelin', reelin' and a rockin'
We was reelin' and a rockin'
Wishin’ you’d a never been born

Reelin' and Rockin' - original version

I. Mangrey rewriting.