It Hurt So Much I Laughed

America Worst

October 4, 2019

The psychotic pshit weasel we are forced to call president knows no depths too deep for him to burrow.  This is not surprising given the fact that he knows almost nothing about almost everything.  There is no law Chrump feels a need to obey.  Again, in his defense, he cannot read anything longer than 280 characters, and will not listen to anything anyone else says.  Even if he was capable of reading or listening, he would have no interest in understanding anything in the Constitution – it is not about him, with the exception of:

The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.
                                          Article II, Section 4

Or as Chrump called it, “a coup.”

America Fifth, or Maybe Sixth…or So

By now everyone knows what a riotous jokester Donald Chrump is.  One of his biggest jokes was his constant grunting of “America first.”  We know he was joking because he spends most of his time sucking up to or on just about every bad actor autocrat around the world – Putin, Kim, Xi, Duterte, bin Salman – the more murderous and horrific, the more Chrump respects and grovels.

Chrump stole money from his “beloved” military to build a wall or a moat or whatever at the southern border.  He illegally withheld funds approved by Congress (impeachable offense #531) for an ally’s military support in order to extort election interference (impeachable offense #532) – “Nice country you got there, shame if you didn’t have enough defensive weapons to keep something very bad from happening to it.”

“You know, they said we needed to triple the border patrol, where now they’re going to say we need to quadruple the border patrol, or they’ll want a higher fence.  Maybe they’ll need a moat.  Maybe they’ll want alligators in the moat.”
                           President Barack Obama, May 10, 2011

According to a recent New York Times article based on interviews with numerous White House and administration officials who had direct involvement in March 2019 meetings with Chrump:

Privately, the president had often talked about fortifying a border wall with a water-filled trench, stocked with snakes or alligators, prompting aides to seek a cost estimate. He wanted the wall electrified, with spikes on top that could pierce human flesh. After publicly suggesting that soldiers shoot migrants if they threw rocks, the president backed off when his staff told him that was illegal. But later in a meeting, aides recalled, he suggested that they shoot migrants in the legs to slow them down. That’s not allowed either, they told him.

Fortunately, all he was able to do was kidnap refugee children and accuse them and their parents of horrific criminal intent and/or activity.  Boy, that was a close call, though overall, we might have looked less disgraceful to the rest of the world, albeit much more cartoonish, with the snakes and alligators.

IMPEACHMENT UPDATE

At long last, the impeachment process is officially underway. (Please clap.)  The impeachment camel’s back was finally crushed beneath the weight of a straw fashioned out of Chrump’s extortion call to Ukraine President Zelensky.  Chrump withheld desperately needed defensive weapons in return for Zelensky digging up dirt on Joe Biden ahead of the 2020 election.  To be fair, it might have simply been a matter of Chrump softening up Ukraine to make it easier for Putin to take over the country he craves for his own.

China, if you’re listening…



Apparently, another thing Chrumpy the Clown does not understand is that what he is standing in is very deep shit.  Beautiful shit.  Perfect shit.  Chrump’s next move was to scream at reporters on the South Lawn of the White House for all to hear and see – on camera, in broad daylight, “Well, I would think that if they [Ukraine] were honest about it, they would start a major investigation into the Bidens.  It's a very simple answer. They should investigate the Bidens… And by the way, likewise, China should start an investigation into the Bidens.  Because what happened in China is just about as bad as what happened with Ukraine.” (actual quote and impeachable offense #533)  And as everyone in the reality-based community knows, nothing happened with the Bidens and Ukraine.  Pretty funny stuff from the boy who cried, “NO COLLUSION!”

 

Der Furor’s latest impeachment-worthy screech-fest prompted Federal Election Commission Chair Ellen Weintraub to issue the following statement: “It is illegal for any person to solicit, accept, or receive anything of value from a foreign national in connection with a U.S. election.”  One must wonder just how illegal this really is since this is Chrump's third public plea to foreign governments for help in going after his opponents and getting him elected.

When do we get to look into Moscow Mitch’s Russia connections and Mrs. Moscow Mitch’s China connections?  Inquiring minds want to know.

I. Mangrey reporting.

Tune in tomorrow for Chrump's impeachable offense du jour.