And Donald Chrump Is An Old Idiot
July 26, 2020
While most of us have the option of Rent-a-Coma for reasons
that are both obvious and overwhelming, and can be brought back to normal brain
function at a moment’s notice, not everyone is so lucky.
“Because I have like, a good
memory, because I’m cognitively there.”*
Despite all his bragging about “acing” a test of cognitive
disability, of which he said, “I actually took one very recently,” but which he
likely took two years ago, it seems obvious that Donald Chrump is in what
medical experts we spoke with are calling an “intellectual coma.” Though Chrump
appears to be conscious, and is able to walk, eat, tweet and watch Fux News for
10 hours a day, for all intents and purposes, his brain is on life support.
The test he keeps obsessing over almost as much as he
obsesses about his Electoral College victory, is typically administered to
those suspected of having cognitive decline like dementia or memory loss – what I wouldn’t give for some
serious memory loss right about now.
To hear Chrump tell it, he asked his idiot, lackey, now
ex-doctor Ronny Jackson if there was some sort of acuity test he could take to
show how mentally competent he was. Naturally, Chrump was lying, and tests of
cognitive ability are not called acuity tests. Nonetheless, Chrump “aced” this
incredibly easy test, and insists that the doctors who supposedly watched him
take the test were simply amazed. According to Chrump, “I took it at Walter
Reed Medical Center in front of doctors and they were very surprised. They
said, ‘That’s an unbelievable thing. Rarely does anyone do what you just did.’”
An acuity test
First of all, apparently doctors routinely tell patients
they did well on this test; after all, the people who take this test are having
noticeable mental issues. Second, the idea that anyone could do anything close
to “unbelievable” on one of these tests – unless it was unbelievably crazy – is
patently ridiculous. The odds of Chrump’s story being anything other than pure,
unadulterated Chrump-quality bullshit are smaller than Donald Chrump’s barely
existent brain.
It is well-know and well documented that Chrump is impressed
with his brilliance, his “very good brain” and considers himself “a very stable
genius.” He points this out repeatedly during the constant non-sequiturs that
pass for speeches, news conferences and off-the-cuff remarks to which we are
subjected day after day after excruciating day.
Chrump also regularly and
literally points to the seemingly impenetrable
bony container alleged to house “his very, very large uh-brain.”
bony container alleged to house “his very, very large uh-brain.”
Doctors are baffled, but it has been verified that Chrump
has been in an intellectual coma for several years now. This of course,
explains quite a bit. I would feel sorry for him if it weren’t for the fact
that he is literally killing tens of thousands of us. According to Dr. Noah
Ittawl, “Mr. Chrump is just this side of braindead. He appears to be conscious,
and is able to speak, after a fashion. This is why he can’t sustain an actual
thought for more than a fraction of a second. We believe the only reason an
occasional full sentence, sometimes comprising a single topic, manages to make
its way out of his mouth is sheer coincidence. Let’s face it, he was never all
that bright to begin with, and being in an intellectual coma is obviously not
helping matters. My colleagues and I are fully convinced it would be best if
Mr. Chrump would just shut the fuck up, but it seems that his particular coma
has the added oddity of compelling the patient to keep his mouth and/or thumbs
moving at all times. We are afraid that, though we would greatly like to
forcibly keep that mouth closed, we might lose him altogether. However, though
we are doctors, we are also human beings – hey, it’s not like we’re lawyers –
and even if it turned out to be safe to shut that mouth permanently, we have
agreed as a group that it is best to keep him talking at least through November
3rd, since this seems to be one of the most powerful factors in
assuring a second term will never happen. And that, according to every single
doctor on the planet, with the pathetic exception of Ronny Jackson, is a
critical requirement for the continuation of the human species.”
Meanwhile, the novel coronavirus, which has failed to magically disappear as promised when it
got warm, or hot, continues to kill and
continues to mutate in ways that make it almost impossible to pin down for a
vaccine:
*actual quote
I. Mangrey reporting.
No comments:
Post a Comment