One Strike And We’re Out

Springtime For Donald

July 22, 2020

 

Donald Chrump’s response to the brutal horizontal lynching of George Floyd and the subsequent massive, unrelenting outpouring of grief and demand for justice for George Floyd and black lives across this country and the world was to demand a new armed force to protect people of color. Unfortunately, that color was in most cases bronze, as in bronze statues of treasonous Confederate generals and their fellow travelers. You know, men who made their names by going to war against the United States in order to protect their ability to own, rape and otherwise degrade other human beings. Heckofajob Chrumpie.

There is a new, unmarked goon squad preparing to land in American cities with Democratic mayors. First stop, Portland, Oregon. Make no mistake, these para-military provocateurs, invading American cities are Chrump’s creation, sent to stir up violence, fear and loathing. A memo obtained by The Nation reveals that they are a special task force created by the Department of Homeland Security in response to a Chrump executive order on Protecting American Monuments, Memorials, and Statues and Combating Recent Criminal Violence. In reality, they are being deployed for, among other nefarious reasons, to create campaign ad footage. 

Chrump will use these scenes of violence to scare his tiny-brained minions with claims that, 1) giant mobs of vicious anarchists are trying to take America over by force and, 2) Joe Biden is in league with them and this chaos is what America will look like when Biden is president. I guess team Chrump doesn’t realize that the violent chaos on their television screens is happening now – on Chrump’s watch, in Chrump’s great, or transitioning to great, or whatever the fuck it is that Chrump is pretending he is doing to America. Fortunately for him, his followers are too stupid to put two-and-two together and come with anything vaguely resembling four.

It appears that Donald Chrump is attempting to start police riots all across this country. He has already test marketed his storm troopers in Portland, Oregon. His masked, camouflage-encrusted (They know they’re not in the woods and we can see them, right?) Chrump has abandoned any pretense – as if there ever was one – of appealing to anyone but his deplorables. He never had any desire to be president of the United States. He only wanted to be a reality-TV-president of the worst of what the 21^st Century has to offer – the white supremacists, neo-Nazis, KKK, random racists who no one will associate with, your basic morons and very-white trash who find Chrump appealing.

One Portland woman’s response to Chrump’s storm troops

There is a good chance Chrump will try to either find an excuse to send armed troops to (i.e., minority-heavy) polling places – assuming any remain open on November 3^rd – in select cities to “keep the peace” (i.e., ensure as few people of color are able to vote as possible) or to simply not bother pretending to have an excuse and just do it because, as Chrump has said previously, aloud, in public, “When somebody is the president of the United States, the authority is total. And that's the way it's got to be.”

One of Chrump’s many ‘acting secretaries’ (and when I say secretary, I mean literally someone who takes dictation from the boss, without thought, second, or even first guessing) who is so full of Chrump’s Kool-Aid his piss has been orange for months, is Chad Wolf of Homeland Security. This Wolf in creep’s clothing had this to say about violently barging in on states’ rights, terrorizing and abducting innocent citizens: “I don't need invitations by the state, state mayors*, or state governors to do our job. We're gonna do that whether they like us there or not.” In fact, plans are already afoot to invade any number of other Democratic strongholds like Chicago, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Oakland, Detroit and New York City in the near future…whether they like it or not. I’m guessing not. God bless Amerika.

As if this was not bad enough, we have to entertain (probably a poor word choice) the distinct possibility that Donald Chrump could order a nuclear strike on New York or California in order to increase his now minimal and continually worsening chances of winning even another Electoral College victory. You may recall that Chrump wanted to nuke a hurricane – not the one he tried to modify with a Sharpie – and has no idea what nuclear weapons actually do. This is the guy who just said to Chris Wallace, “We won two world wars, two world wars, beautiful world wars, that were vicious and horrible…” Beautiful, vicious, horrible world wars. Duck and cover people.

Group of Electoral Collegians on lunch break

Chrump has already declared that he has no intention of accepting a legitimate (many people are saying yuuuuge) defeat in November. As he did in 2016, Chrump is already preemptively whining about a rigged election, and unless it is rigged in his favor again, there will trouble right here in River City. I say that’s trouble, with a capital ‘T’ and that rhymes with ‘C’ and that stands for Chrump.  

*Could someone tell this acting genius that there is no such thing as ‘state mayors’?

I. Mangrey re-warning. Golly gosh, this seems less than optimal.

More Trouble Every Day