Death By A Thousand Nuts

Guns And Buttheads

May 16, 2021

Lying Ratpublican shitheads like F*&ker Swanson McNear Carlson and Ron “Yes, I Am As Dumb As I Look” Johnson are wracking their little brains, wringing their little hands, and their little…whatevers, over the alternative fact that hundreds and hundreds of people are dying from COVID-19 vaccines.

Even if the completely fabricated story was true, before their faithful phalanx turns to Jell-o and fret that the deadly vaccine will decimate our population, let’s do a little math. But first, it should be noted that these brainless bastions of bullshit were never worried that the actual fucking virus might kill them, but they are ass-over-empty-tin-cups apoplectic about the killer vaccine. Anyway, according to Carlson, who likely has been vaccinated but is unwilling to tell his fact-free, Turmpified audience of anthropoids, “Between late December of 2020 and last month, a total of 3,362 people apparently died after getting the COVID vaccine in the United States … The actual number is almost certainly higher.” And Carlson’s double-digit IQ number is almost certainly lower.

F*&ker Carlson often looks like he just took a crap in his own mouth, which

1) is not as hard as it sounds since his head is well positioned for this, and

2) explains why so much of what comes out of his mouth is pure, unadulterated shit

F*&ker undoubtedly knows he is lying since that is the underlying essence of his White Lives Madder Hour, not to mention his entire life. Well, that and the wholly unwarranted arrogance…and the white supremacy. The Swanson frozen foods trust funded twit recently had to weasel his way out of a slander lawsuit. Fox’s lawyers, representing their precious ratings king told the judge that the “‘general tenor’ of the show should then inform a viewer that [Carlson] is not ‘stating actual facts’ about the topics he discusses and is instead engaging in ‘exaggeration’ and ‘non-literal commentary.’” For you non-lawyers out there, Carlson’s own defense lawyers (well, Fox’s lawyers who F*&ker presumably does not have to pay for) implored the court to ignore the charges against their wretched, sniveling client since everyone knows he is full of shit, lies like a rug, and should not in any way be mistaken for either a source of reality-based information, or for a human being of any value whatsoever. And surely everyone wasting time they could otherwise be engaged in more useful pursuits, like playing Russian Roulette with a full chamber, knows this.

But, I digress.

With all this addled angst about the (fake) deadly vaccine, what about other causes of death in America? Gun murders leap to mind. At least with vaccines, each person is able to weigh the risk/benefit and decide to get or not get a shot. Murder victims, particularly those gunned down by the seemingly endless supply of weapons of death, ammunition and crazed gunmen typically get shot without a possibility of opting out.

In 2019 Texas had the highest number of gun deaths, with 3,683. California followed with 2,945 and Florida with 2,872. That is just three states, one of which posted more gun deaths than the fake number of COVID vaccine deaths.

Here are the 10 states with the highest rates of gun death in 2019 according the CDC:

Alaska (23 per 100,000 people)
Alabama (21.4 per 100,000 people)
Louisiana (21.2 per 100,000 people)
Mississippi (19.8 per 100,000 people)
Oklahoma (19.6 per 100,000 people)
Montana (19 per 100,000 people)
Missouri (18.8 per 100,000 people)
New Mexico (18.2 per 100,000 people)
Arkansas (17.7 per 100,000 people)
South Carolina (17.7 per 100,000 people)

Anyone care to guess how many of these states were red in 2019? If I were you, I’d guess 10.

Meat Kills

According to a new study published recently in the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, every year an estimated 12,700 deaths are connected to air pollution resulting from the production of animal-based foods. This of course does not count the thousands of meat-related murders that occur post-production, when unwitting/uncaring consumers inhale their daily dose of fast food or home-made mountains of meat. Anyone want to venture a guess as to how many vaccines a cow destined for the drive-thru window at McDonald’s gets before being slaughtered and wolfed down by people who won’t contaminate their otherwise chemical-ridden bodies with a vaccine?

I didn’t think so.

Thank God Joe Biden is cancelling meat.

I. Mangrey