Death To America, By Americans
May 22, 2021
In a turn of events as unexpected as the sky being above and
the ground below, Mitch Fucking McConnell and Kevin “Turmp’s Little Bitch”
McCarthy have come out against the formation of an independent, bipartisan
commission devoted to getting at the truth of what happened in Washington, DC
on January 6, 2021 when hundreds of TrumpAnon supporters attacked the Capital
at the behest of their hero – a mentally and morally defective, narcissistic
conman – who incited his disturbed hordes to overturn the legitimate election
of Joseph Biden and to execute a violent coup of the duly elected
government of the United States of America (and perhaps execute Nancy Pelosi, Mike
Pence and any number of elected officials in the bargain).
The McDickless Brothers are concerned that the process will
be politicized and that they will not be the ones doing it. Most Ratpublicans
are also worried that the truth of what occurred on January 6th will
make them look bad. To be fair, the truth of most situations makes them look
like horrible people who support corporations over people, profits over planetary
survival, racism over civil society and more and more with each passing day, fascism
over democracy.
Both McConnell and McCarthy made statements shortly after
Turmp’s insurrectionists stormed and defiled the Capital, placing blame and
responsibility exactly where everyone outside of MAGAnon World knew it
belonged.
If I didn’t know better, I might think these two fascist
dirtbags had something to hide. Oh wait, but I know better.
“The mob was fed lies, they were provoked by [Trump].” McConnell
said in an uncharacteristically honest statement on the Senate floor on January
19th. Breaking further wind with his mouth on February 13th
he added, “President Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking
the events of the day.”
McCarthy also took to the House floor soon after Turmp’s
bloody insurrection to call out the recently, humiliatingly defeated Oversized Orange
Colostomy Bag With Fake Hair for instigating the most deadly and disgusting day
in domestic politics in more than a century. McCarthy mewled, “He should have
immediately denounced the mob when he saw what was unfolding. These facts
require immediate action by President Trump to accept his share of
responsibility, quell the brewing unrest and ensure President-elect Biden is
able to successfully begin his term.” But that was way back in January, before
Daddy Turmp spanked McCarthy’s sorry ass.
McCarthy, sent his deputy to negotiate terms with Democrats for
the creation of a bipartisan commission, and got everything he wanted, because
Democrats believe in democracy and reality. In our two-party system, they
are alone in this. McCarthy and McConnell both claimed to be open to the
idea of a bipartisan committee, presumably until they got the phone call from
Mor-on Lago. There are apparently some in DC and the beltway media who actually
took these lying sacks of shit at their word. As if they would ever do anything
that did not serve their own interests and/or those of their lord and slaver.
The McDickless Brothers issued a joint statement:
“We are not generally opposed to bipartisan, or especially
grossly partisan commissions to politicize investigate untoward
activities such as Bill Clinton having an affair, or completely fabricated
scandals like Hillary Clinton’s heinous deeds in Benghazi, or Hillary Clinton’s
dangerous emails, or Hunter Biden doing whatever it is that Herr Turmp and Mr.
Giuliani say he did. But we must draw the line somewhere. And that line runs
right down the aisle we have sworn an oath to never cross for any reason, even
the fate of America’s very democracy. It should be crystal clear by now that we
do not have, nor have we ever had, even the slightest allegiance to any such
nonsense.
When we get the great and glorious Donald Turmp re-elected, either
this August or in 2024, we will make January 6th an annual
celebration of the great patriot/tourists who tried to reclaim the Capital in
the name of making America great again.
Needless to say, we would be happy to investigate Black
Lives Matter, or the rampant voter fraud that removed the greatest president
this country has ever known, or try once again to ruin Hillary Clinton’s life
with a few more glorious Benghazi hearings, even though we got what we wanted
out of the first 10 hearings* – ruining her election chances. And obviously we
would gladly rehash her fake email scandal. Those were the good old days.”
The assholes doth obstruct too much methinks.
* Kevin
McCarthy, circa 2015: “Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right?
But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are
her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping.” And just in case anyone is
keeping score, Benghazi: 4 Americans dead; Turmp’s Capital Riot: at least 5
Americans dead and democracy on the brink.
I. Mangrey, still phrasey after all these years.
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