March 26, 2022
We recently covered Putin’s edict that
Russian state television run clips of Fux News’ Fucker Carlson. Carlson’s
initial foray into the Russian invasion of Ukraine consisted of the Swanson Frozen
Food trust-fund-baby whining his usual “questions” about Vladimir Putin.
Carlson claimed that Democrats were mandating that everyone must hate Putin.
Carlson whined, “Why do I hate Putin so much? Has he ever called me a racist?”
He went on with his signature line of “questioning” ad nauseam, as usual.
Carlson’s nightly praise of Putin is now being replayed on a loop with Russian
subtitles in Putin’s Paradise.
According to our
intrepid alternative reporters, Carlson now insists that Russians in Ukraine
are simply tourists looking for a good time:
“How is it that Russian soldiers on leave in
Ukraine are being branded by Democrats as invaders? Is it now illegal to be a
tourist? Is it just because the choose to sight-see in “tanks?” Is it now okay
to taunt people based on their choice of transportation? Is everyone supposed
to be driving Teslas now? Do we call little Suzie a war criminal because she
went to Orlando on spring break, got a little tipsy and totaled her rental car
by crashing into a Starbucks? Are all those buildings that look like a bomb hit
them in Ukrainian cities really that badly damaged? Might they just need a
fresh coat of paint and some new window dressings? Why is everyone so bent out
of shape over there? Thousands of people “killed?” People die every day. It’s
not like they died of COVID. Remember when that was a big thing? Millions of
people leaving their homes? Don’t people relocate all the time for all sorts of
reasons – new job, downsizing, won the lottery, too many black people moving in
next door? Who knows why all these Ukrainians are leaving the country? Is it because
they're just jealous of all the Russian tourists in their own country and want
to go somewhere else for their vacation? Could it be that they are a bunch or
racists who can’t stand a bunch of foreign tourists enjoying themselves and
getting a little rowdy? I’m just asking questions.”
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
malarkey.
No comments:
Post a Comment