It's The Democracy, Stupid

Your Vote Counts, But Who Counts Your Vote?

September 14, 2022

We are a mere eight weeks away from the most important midterm elections in generations. If Democrats cannot hold on to both houses of Congress, this country will be thrown into reverse so fast the transmission will be blown to smithereens, the air bags will decapitate us and the seat belts will cut off circulation to the brain and most of the body. If Team Tmurp tips the scales, it’s back to American Carnage. This time, drinking bleach will be mandatory. And dozens of armed, mentally defective members of Congress will storm the Capitol in order to overturn the 2020 election next January. We risk having Moscow Mitch back in charge, Kevin McCarthy or some other demented troll as Speaker. Common wisdom holds that the party that wins the presidency typically loses ground in the subsequent midterm elections for the House and Senate. 

Now, stay with me here, this is admittedly a bit twisted, but we surely live in twisted times.

Most Ratpublicans, including no small number of office-holders, continue to insist that Donald Turnip beat Joe Biden in 2020, notwithstanding the unrelenting tsunami of facts, every pertinent court decision, including many by Turmp-appointed judges, to the contrary. And the inconvenient truth that Joe Biden currently resides not at Mor-on Lardo, or Badmonster or any other soon-to-be-bankrupt, tasteless Turmp property, but at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC, which presumably, a large majority of Americans still believes to be the White House, and the seat of presidential power in the America that one assumes Turmp made great again during his astounding, albeit disgraced, impeachment-ridden, seditious single term.

I imagine this is not yet making any sense, or seemingly even thoughtful points, but again I implore you, hang in there; this won’t take much longer.

Since Ratpublicans believe they won the last presidential election, and since almost every Ratpublican running for re-election must continue to kiss Turmp’s ring, ass, and who-knows-what-else, should not the common wisdom hold that they be the ones losing ground in November?

Ratpublicans surely believe and fear this as evidenced by their frenzied attempts to disenfranchise as many Democratic and democratic voters as possible, lest they get their bloated white asses handed to them again in November 2022.

But Wait, There’s Moron

For his part mentally diminutive senator Rant Paul, when he is not busy managing his Medusa hairdo or haranguing and inspiring death threats against Anthony Fauci with his patented and patently insane conspiracy theories, has his own – let’s call them thoughts – on voting and elections. The dumbass doctor from Kentucky tweeted (and I promise you, I am not making this up):

How to steal an election: ‘Seeding an area heavy with potential Democratic votes with as many absentee ballots as possible, targeting and convincing potential voters to complete them in a legally valid way, and then harvesting and counting the results.’

Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, or saying to whomever is within earshot, or perhaps no one in particular, “What the fuck is wrong with this Kentucky fuckwit? This sounds strikingly like what used to pass for – what was that called, oh yeah – VOTING.” As Joe Biden recently said to the largest crowd ever assembled, that Ratpublicans’ endgame was “To turn the will of the voters into a mere suggestion — something states can respect or ignore.” Ratpublicans long ago gave up supporting voting or democracy. They simply cannot win most elections by, as Runt Paul said, “convincing potential voters to complete them in a legally valid way, and then harvesting and counting the results.” How could they? Their only actual policies are 1) tax cuts for the richest Americans, 2) stop people from voting, and 3) take away women’s right to choose.

Mike Lukovich

And Joe Biden is the one whose poll numbers are low.

Actual album cover from actual 1971 album

I. Mangrey, or else.