Walker, Texas Deranger

We Don’t Have Enough Trees, But One Too Many Walkers

November 23, 2022

“We’re in the best country in the United States.”
Herschel Walker, November 12, 2022

“Well first of all this election is more than Herschel Walker,
this erection is about the people.”
Herschel Walker, November 22, 2022

Can this idiot not tell that it's not just his brain that's melting?

Herschel Walker, who was carpet-bagged out of Texass by Donald Trump in order to pit him against Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA, not TX), has once again changed his stance on abortion. “I believe with both of my brain cells that abortion should only be legal in cases where there is a serious threat to the health of a celebrity's bank account. You knows, that when you a star, they lets you do anything you want. Mr. Trump tole me that and he the smartess man I ever known. And did you know that werewolves can kill vampires?”

Walker has not however, changed his brain-dead stance on destroying the environment. He once again showed off his anti-environment bona fides, polluting the campaign trail with more of his signature word salad/vomit, and what we assume must be methane (the highly climate-damaging gas in cow farts) coming out of his pie-hole. Walker gave Sarah Palin a run for her counterfeit money as he flogged the need to keep gas-guzzling cars pumping out that sweet CO₂. I think that either Herschel has a serious oxygen-to-the-brain deficit, or he's just an ignorant fuck who should try going without the highly overrated oxygen for a few days, just to see how he likes it, or perhaps he might want to suck on one o’ them gas-guzzler’s tailpipes for an hour or so. What could it hurt?

WARNING: Actual Quote

If we was ready for the green agenda, I’d raise my hand right now. But we’re not ready right now. So don’t let them fool you like this is a new agenda. This is not a new agenda. We’re not prepared. We’re not ready right now. What we need to do is keep having those gas-guzzling cars, ’cause we got the good emissions under those cars. We’re doing the best thing that we can.

Add this to Walker’s previous claim that

Since we don’t control the air, our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air so when China gets our good air, their bad air got to move. So it moves over to our good air space. Then now we got to clean that back up, while they’re messing ours up.*

And his mental mumbling that

They’re not helping you out, because a lot of the money is going into trees. You know that, don’t you? It’s going into trees. We’ve got enough trees. Don’t we have enough trees around here?*

It probably doesn’t help that Walker apparently has a mouth full of socks whenever he talks. That and a head full of fermenting oatmeal. Either way, Paying Attention is offering $100 (in crypto) to anyone who can explain what the fuck Walker is talking about.

And look at the company he keeps…

Donald gets…grabby?

Lindsey wants a piece of…the action?

Knowing all of this, one would not be unwise to decide that Mr. Walker gives mammals a bad name.

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*Actual fucking quote

I. Mangrey reporting. It hurt so hard I laughed.