June 16, 2023
In a futile and stupid
gesture meant to deflect attention away from his impending cavalcade of trials,
Donald Trump took to the streets of New York City to finally follow through on
his 2016 election season suggestion to “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and
shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters.”
After making bad on
his promise, The Defendant fled to a rally of mindless supporters
Millions of Trump
supporters, many of whom have non-whole-number IQs couldn’t care less if their
guy grabbed their mothers by the pussy, incited an insurrection against the government
of the United States, was found liable for sexual abuse, got indicted
repeatedly for heinous, treasonesque crimes or nuked California. They welcomed
their hero with open arms and closed minds. Authorities were hesitant to
re-arrest the miscreant as most of those in attendance were heavily armed and
meagerly brained.
Stay tuned for
further alternative updates.
This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled
disbelief.
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