It’s All Been Thoroughly Documented

What’re You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lyin’ Ears

June 28, 2023

“Just remember, what you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.”
Donald J. Trump, July 24, 2018

You might have heard what many legal experts are calling the smoking gun…or was it gub. It is a very special audiotape from the summer of 2021 (six months after Trump was unceremoniously tossed out of office, incited a coup d’etat, and then absconded with a massive haul of government-property documents) that has made its way into the public sphere. No, it’s not the elusive pee-pee tape – Putin is still holding on to that one. This is a tape of Dumbass Donald Trump actually showing classified documents to a bunch of dumbasses who had no clearance to see such documents. Not to mention the fact that those classified documents were in Trump’s possession illegally. Also, the idiot committing the crime – while being recorded for posterity – knew he was being recorded. 

Those are my documents, given to me by Jesus

On this tape you can hear the disgraced, twice-impeached, twice-indicted (so far), failed insurrection leader and Fifth-Amendment-dependent ex-one-term-president crinkling pages as he and the idiots in the room with him amuse themselves at the expense of national security and intelligence – in every sense of that word. If this had been a phone call, it would have been perfect.

Trump is like those horrible assholes who impress themselves by live streaming themselves committing crimes, except this horrible asshole thinks that admitting to doing crime comprises being exonerated. What a maroon!

Hey, Dumbass. You keep using the word “exonerated.” I do not think it means what you think it means. That is, I don't think you have a fucking clue what it means. Either that or you are simply lying you're dumb fucking ass off. Oh, now I get it.

Inigo Montoya speaks

He Knows What He Did Last Summer

In a recent interview on Fux News, a week before the audio was released, Trump denied he was actually showing people any documents: “There was no document. That was a massive amount of papers and everything else, talking about Iran and other things, and it may have been held up or not, but that was not a document. I didn’t have a document per se.” I would like to take Caligula…I mean Trump as his word, but I think it is entirely possible that he might have been lying, and the audiotape of the event seems to back me up on this. Oh, the shame of it all.

There is a mountain of proof that Dumbass Donald has one or another problem with the word exonerated, along with myriad other words, phrases and concepts – concepts like truth, humanity, democracy, national security, loyalty, Presidential Records Act, espionage, America, reality, and others too numerous to mention with only several terabytes of space on my computer.

I will defer to Maddowblog’s Steve Benen to take us on a stroll down Trump’s exonerated/memory lane to provide some context:

In March 2018, Trump claimed that the House Intelligence Committee had completely exonerated him in the Russia scandal. That wasn’t true.

In June 2018, Trump said the Justice Department inspector general’s office had “totally” exonerated him in the Russia scandal. That was both wrong and kind of bonkers.

In February 2019, Trump claimed that the Senate Intelligence Committee had also exonerated him in the Russia scandal. That also wasn’t true.

In March 2019, Trump claimed the judge in a Paul Manafort trial exonerated him, too. That also wasn’t true.

In June 2021, Trump claimed he’d been “totally exonerated” by testimony from former White House Counsel Don McGahn, which was largely the opposite of the truth.

In February 2023, Trump claimed to have “total exoneration” from the special grand jury in Fulton County, Georgia. This was largely not true.

And in June 2023, Trump pretended that a devastating audio recording, in which he appears to have admitted to committing crimes “is actually an exoneration,” as if reality has no meaning.

“I don’t do things wrong. I do things right. I’m a legitimate person.”
 Conman J. Trump, June 27, 2023

“Yes you do. No, you do not. No you fucking are not.”
Ed Venture, June 28, 2023

Clearly, when Mr. Very-Stable-Genius says he was exonerated, he means nailed bigly.

Tune in next time when Trump's lawyers have him take the stand as a hostile witness.

I. Mangrey reporting (like I have something better to do).